Friday!!!!

Well, it’s Friday again! This is the just the third Friday since the end of June that Jen and I aren’t planning a trip to or from Chicago. It’s really nice. Jen is still 5 hours away, in Youngstown for a wedding. But, it’s not Chicago!!

 

Jen got here Wednesday night, and we had a nice night together. Then last night Karen came all the way out to the eastside to have dinner with us. I fixed up some potato soup, and it turned out pretty good. I think I know what I can do to speed the process just a tad, as it did take nearly 3.5 hours to make. But I was overly cautious about not burning the milk, so I think I can use some more heat next time and get done a little faster. I was pretty happy overall, and it was great company and a nice night in to welcome Jen to Cincinnati.

 

Jen and I are slowly getting things together. Finances are going to suck the first month, since her house isn’t sold yet. Paying for two mortgages on two houses is not an easy thing! But, we’ll figure it out, I’m sure. Figuring out all of the various house things will take some time, but I don’t think it will be bad overall. Again, it’ll just take some time.

 

It’s funny how easy it is to fall back into the pattern of living with someone. I already know which towels are hers, and I don’t use those. I already sleep on “my” side of the bed, even when she’s not there. All those little things came back right away, even after 3 years of living very, very much alone. And it doesn’t sound like much, but it makes all the difference in the world.

Crunched

It seems like time is crunched together. This week has positively flown by so far.

 

Obviously the big news is that Jen will be in town in a few hours. Which means that our new life together technically starts tonight. Very exciting!

 

I finished Cell unexpectedly the other night. Ending was totally not what I was expecting. Not bad, just different. Very quick read overall, enjoyable, but nothing to write home about methinks.

 

Being around generally smart people all of the time, I forget sometimes that what I do makes no sense to anyone else. Case in point……. I had a weird confrontation with an older, shall we say countrified, gentleman today. I was eating lunch, minding my own business and checking email on the phone when this guy just sits down across from me in my booth. He asked me if I was playing some video game or something. I said no, tried to get back to eating and working. He asked if it was one of those “pod-things”. I laughed, said no, explained that it was a tool for work, and that I was doing email. He looked at me with this totally blank stare. I said, you know, email, like letters, but on the computer. No response…. But he wouldn’t leave! So I explained that I was talking with my customers over the internet….. to which he said “So you’re looking at porn, because that’s all the internet is good for, right?” It took every once of restraint I had not to bust out laughing. I politely explained that no, there are many other ways people use the internet, etc. etc. etc. I finally got him to leave, and the waitress came up and apologized to me. She said that he is in the restaurant every couple days, and he always picks someone to pester, and that he was harmless, etc……

 

Talk about odd!!!

nothing in particular

So we now have enough plates and cups and what not to feed approximately 35 people……….without having to do dishes. And that’s enough pots and pans to fix it all.  Obviously this is going to have to be one of the first rooms we sort and figure out. I have copious amounts of cabinet space, but not even my kitchen can contain this cornucopia of cookware!

 

 

I have made excellent progress on my new book, Cell by Stephen King.  Nifty little technology goes bad story so far.

 

I feel like I haven’t had much time to read, but I look at it now and realize that since July, I’ve finished 9 books. And this is getting like 30 minutes a day to read, so that’s not too bad.  But I haven’t made a choice on what to read next yet. I have a few in mind, but haven’t decided.

Quick Weekend Update

Well, we got everything moved. After an exhausting weekend, 99% of Jen’s things are now at my place. We organized most big things yesterday, at least for now. We need to go through everything and get rid of what we don’t need, but that can be done over time. At least most of it is done, and by Wednesday night, Jen will be a permanent resident of our house.

The Weekend, and Dreams

Well, the weekend was pretty good overall. Jen and I went out for a casual dinner on Friday night in Chicago, then got up to help her roommate move out. This was pretty easy and was over quickly. Then we went to a few malls in the Chicago area to do some leisurely shopping and spend the day together. This was capped with a nice quiet dinner at a local brewery. We went home and actually fell asleep early. We got up early to go to one of Jen’s soccer games, where I was recruited to serve as a human ladder so they could put the nets up. After that we had another couple’s massage, which was fantastic, though both of us are actually sore today afterwards.

 

 

So, there this that’s really bothering me and I haven’t been able to figure out how to put into words.

 

On Thursday, I found a notebook in my closet while cleaning things out and getting ready for Jen to move down. This notebook was in my ex-wife’s handwriting. So, I of course had to open it and read it. That was incredibly dumb of me. The notebook contained approximately 18 months or so of all the things that she bottled up towards the end of the marriage. These are all of things that came out with such a vengeance at very end. Most of these were things that I had no idea were going on. Some of them I knew about, but those were definitely in the minority.

 

To see these laid out in order, and to see that all of these were there but never talked about is somewhat frustrating. I’m sure that some of the non-communication was my fault somehow, but I’m certain, especially after seeing this, that not all of it was. Not even most of it I think. Taken individually, each of these things could have been solved at the time they happened, had they been brought up and dealt with. Bottled up for at least 18 months (for these written things anyway), there was no way in hell we had any chance whatsoever.

 

Seeing these in this way makes me angry. Considering what was written, the last few months were nothing more than a ploy for her to get more time. She had her mind made up at least 6 months before papers were filed. I feel like I was led to believe there may have been a chance, and that I jumped through hoops for waaaaaaayyyy too long to try to fix something that wasn’t fixable. Yes yes, I get that some of this was my own fault. That I wanted to see that chance. However, after reading the notebook, I think some of it was premeditated as a form of revenge.

 

 

Anyways, I burned the notebook, along with a few other things I found from her at that time. This was strangely satisfying.

 

 

However, since Thursday, I have had dreams every night with my ex-wife in them. Some of them have been nightmares, some of them have been pleasant. But every night, she has been there. In some we are friends again, in others we are forced together at some type of event for a mutual friend. In most, I’m still with Jen. (In one or two they have even fought, which is strangely funny and exciting at the same time……)

 

 

 

So I don’t know what it means, other than I haven’t been getting much good sleep since Thursday…….  I’ll let you know if they continue……………..

Nothin

Ya, I got nothin, sorry.

 

The past week has been hectic yet not.

 

I didn’t go to Fu all week due to doctor’s request that I take some time off to let my knee get a little better. (I did, went back tonight, feel pretty good really). So no surgery, just do whatever my pain level will tolerate. Watch the knee on that side for hyperextending, which is what is causing the pain. If the pain doesn’t decrease in 3to6 months, then go back for exploratory surgery.

 

So I did some stuff around the house, got caught up with a few friends.

 

Friday I went to Brian’s ex Erin’s wedding. That was alright. Nothing too special, non-traditional in some ways.

 

Saturday was Greg’s reception. That was fun, and it was nice to see Lingling having some fun around English speaking people again.

 

Sunday I went to a Fu party for our teacher Joe, who was crowned Grand Champion at the tournament in Sept. That was lots of fun. We ate, we hung out, we talked Fu, we watched some of the video footage. It was lots of fun overall.

 

 

 

I haven’t felt like I have much to post.  I’ve been on a pretty even keel recently, so no big drama to report or bitch about.

 

I’m anxious to get Jen moved down here and stop this distance relationship. After a few months, it really wears on you. I don’t show it near as much as Jen does sometimes, but I feel it just as keenly. I’m like anyone else, and I have my worries and concerns about working everything out once she gets here, but I can’t say that I’m not looking forward to it regardless.

 

I have a thousand times more confidence about this relationship and this choice than I ever did about my last marriage. But, I was young and stupid, and I thought there weren’t any problems that couldn’t be fixed somehow. I know now that 1)not all problems HAVE to be fixed, 2) not all problems CAN be fixed, 3) sometimes the problems aren’t the important things that have to be worked out.

 

 

Overall, I’m perfectly content with my life at this moment, and the future only looks better. What more is there to say?

Nikki's Wedding

So, Nikki's wedding was last night. A good time was had by all, and I didn't even trip walking Jen and Nikki's mom down the aisle to light the unity candle!!

Seriously, the evening went quite well, and I think everyone had a good time overall. It was a somewhat early night, as we left at 11:40 and everyone else had already gone and everything was loaded into cars to take home.

Hello?

Yes, yes, I’ve been chided for not posting. I guess I haven’t had much to say here. That and I haven’t had any time to say it.

 

So, here’s the recap of the past week:

 

 

Last Friday I went to dinner with Brian, Al, my cousin Andrew, and Rachel. It was somewhat of a belated birthday gathering, but mostly just a reason to drink. A lot. A lot a lot! We had a good time, got to bed super late. Rachel and Andrew crashed at my place, Brian and Al went home. Slept reasonably late for a 3:30AM bedtime, like 9:30AM.

 

The next day, I did a whole lot of cleaning and what not, and then the Kung Fu folks descended on my house to meet up before seeing a movie. It was me, Brian, Rachel, Jonesy, Nieport, Farber, Jacob, Mike, Keith, two of their friends, Jason and Tiffany, and Ben. We went to see Fearless, with Jet Li. It was fantastic, made better by the fact that Jet Li practices our style of martial arts. Seeing him do some of the things we are learning is pretty darn cool. People came back to my place afterwards, and we hung out until like 4 or so.

 

Sunday was a lazy day for the most part. I watched the Bengals game with my brother, then went to my grandparents’ place to fix their PC. Had dinner there, then came home and did some work.

 

This week has sucked. I’ve had 6AM calls every day but this morning. I’ve had tons of other work too, so no early off times. Lots of stress on the homefront too, so that has sucked.

 

But, Jen got into town last night, and everything seems to be ok now.

 

So that’s the week in a nutshell. More later!

Tired

Alright, so I’m still tired. Sorry for no posts, but I’ve been a workin fool the past few days.

 

Tuesday I was in early (7:30A), and then I had a big project start at 2PM. I worked that project until 5 AM the next morning, went to a 6AM appointment, then went back to the project until around 1PM. I did a few other things, then went to the dojo last night to work out. That was tough on no sleep, let me tell you! I didn’t get to sleep until about 11:30P last night, and then I was up at 7AM again.

 

I feel a little worn out today, but it’s not completely horrible. I don’t require much sleep anyway. I am definitely more tired than I normally am, but not overly so. My muscles are more tired than normal from working out, and I feel a little sleepy, but that’s ok.

 

 

For the record, I had to do a residential call this morning to an absolutely disgusting house. I have rarely been in a house that smelled worse. The lady is a AKC breeder or poodles, and you’d think she does all of this IN the house from the way it smells. That or she lets them use the basement as a restroom. The house was clean overall, but the stench was nearly enough to make me faint. I HATE RESIDENTIAL CALLS. The money simply isn’t worth dealing with most people.

 

 

One Full Birthday

Well, yesterday was one full birthday……….

 

I woke up tired from the full day on Saturday. Jen and I had a pleasant morning together being with one another. Then, Greg came over and we went to the Bengals game, which was a very nice present from Greg, while Jen went to her girls lunch. We parked in NKY and walked across the suspension bridge to get to the game, which was right up my alley. The game was wonderful, if a bit hot. I got quite a bit of sun. Once we got back from the game, Jen and I had dinner with my parents and grandparents. Jen left from the restaurant to head back to Chicago, got to the other side of town and realized she was too tired to make it. She ended up coming back to my house for the evening and leaving this morning. In the meantime, Rachel had called to come hang out during the evening. So the three of us did a whole lot of nothing, which was great.

 

Oh, as a surprise, Jen hid 7 different little letters throughout my house for me to find for my birthday. Each said something different that she loved about me or about us. It was a very thoughtful surprise, and one that I enjoyed thoroughly. Thanks Jen.

 

 

 

Lastly, everyone wants to make a big deal about 30. I don’t get it. I feel stronger and more capable now than I ever have in my life. I can do more now in any area of my life than I have ever been able to do in the past. What exactly is wrong with that, and why am I supposed to feel old?

Tournament Time!!!

So today was the big Fall Gathering for the Shaolin-Do Association. Big tournament in Lexington. People from all over the country were there to compete. There were kata competitions and a sparring competitions.

 

Although I wasn’t confident in what I was doing, I decided to participate to see what I could do.

 

Jen was nice enough to get up ultra-early with me (6AM) this morning and go down to watch.

 

It was a really long day. The little kids went first, which was very cute. Our school doesn’t teach children, but many others do, so there were a ton there.

 

Things finally got started, and myself and Brian and Jacob were all competing in the blue belt level competitions.

 

We each did an open hands form, a weapons form, and then we had a little round robin sparring tournament.

 

Sparring was tough, but fun. Although head contact is illegal, I got clocked twice, once in the mouth in my first match, and then once in the nose in my last match.

 

It was great to watch everyone do their stuff. Our school did extraordinarily well. Almost everyone that went got a medal. Including me! I got two, one for weapons form (Bo Staff), and one for sparring. Both 2^nd places, so silvers for each.

 

 

It’s a wonderful feeling to get back out and compete in something again. I’ve needed this badly.

 

I couldn’t be more thankful for today really, and mostly because Jen came to watch when she understood it was important to me. 6AM to 10:30PM is a really long day when you are doing something that you really aren’t taking part in, so I’m very appreciative of the sacrifice.  

Blergh!!

Ya, so, check this out…………..

 

 

MRI came back on my knee. I have a torn meniscus. I found a nice article about what this means here: http://orthopedics.about.com/cs/meniscusinjuries1/a/meniscus.htm

 

It means another surgery.

 

I’m really trying not to be depressed about this.

Experience

I believe it’s a challenge to live one’s life as part of the experience rather than passively experiencing life.

 

I believe age is the sum of your experiences, and it has nothing to do with numbers.

 

I think most people experience merely 30% of what really happens during their day. The other 70% is discarded as distracting, off topic, background, etc……………

 

I believe some people don’t need to tune the other 70% out………

 

I believe this difference in experience gave rise to the term “old soul”. Although usually attributed to those who have experienced much tragedy or hardship in their lives, it is not always so. Some people just seem to have experience more overall than most others do.

 

 

I believe it’s possible to make one’s soul younger. Through surrounding oneself with positive people, doing creative and beneficial things with one’s time, and through sheer force of will, one can retain the life lessons learned yet still view the world with a sense of wonder and newness. And continue to learn new lessons in everyday activities.

 

Is this not the true fountain of youth?

Rainy Weekend

So, I went to Chicago this weekend to see Jen. Talk about lousy weather! It was cold and rainy all weekend long!

 

Jen surprised me on Saturday for my birthday. She took us to a place called Heavenly Massage, and we got a couples massage. 60 minute massage together in the same room, then the special thing about this place is after the massage. You get your own little bathroom to go to. This bathroom has a HUGE shower stall with a steam attachment installed. So, you get the massage, then you can relax in a steam bath as long as you want, then take a shower to get refreshed. It was great, and they let us share the same shower, which was even better. Having never shelled out the money for a professional massage before, it was fantastic. I’d sign up for some monthly thing here in Cinci if I could find a massage parlor that has the steam bath/shower thing at the end. (I’d almost pay the massage rates just for that if you want the truth….)

 

Saturday made Sunday standing in the rain watching her soccer game ALMOST worth it (j/k, I was with Jen, it was worth it.)

 

We had a pretty significant fight on Sunday after her game. This is becoming distressingly common. I’ll chalk some of it up to the fact that we have to part ways every weekend, and it wears on both of us. Neither of us wants to be apart from the other, but we have no choice in the matter currently. I’m sure that’s most of it.

 

Regardless, we always seem to make up in the end, and neither of us lets things linger after we are done arguing, so that part’s good.

PSA

Ya, so I switched to the Beta Blogger, and I also can’t comment on anyone’s blogs anymore. It should be a temporary thing until they can get the authentication systems synced up, but we’ll see. (Google owns Blogger if you didn’t know that, and this beta thing is all about using your gmail or google ID for blogger.)

 

 

Anyways, the week has been good thus far. I have a doctor appointment today to see if I can figure out why my left knee and my right side are hurting. It shouldn’t be anything serious, but I’ll let you know.

What happened to............

Common sense?

 

 

Everyone here in Cinci is aware of the Marcus Fiesel situation.  If you aren’t from here, here’s a link to a recap:

 

http://news.enquirer.com/apps/pbcs.dll/section?Category=newsmarcus

 

 

 

Now, the birth mother, the one that couldn’t support him and had him taken away is filing a wrongful death lawsuit to the tune of $5 million dollars.

 

This is the lady that couldn’t get things straight enough that child services took ALL of her kids away from her.  Not just Marcus, but her other two children as well. (OH, BTW, all 3 were from different men) The house stank so bad that child services assumed she had dogs or some type of animals in the house. (She didn’t) Marcus was covered in flea bites and bruises. He got out of the house on two different occasions before he was taken away.

 

This lady could NOT care for this child. She did not have a job, relying on social services for money.

 

Why in the world is this lady entitled to a DAMN THING over what happened? In my opinion, and I may sound a bit heartless here, she is EVERY BIT as responsible for what happened to Marcus as the foster parents that killed him. How damn difficult is it to keep a house clean? How difficult is it to keep tabs on a 3 year old that has a mentality like an 18 month old because he’s autistic?

 

What lawyer with ANY decency would take this case? What judge would even pretend to hear it?

 

What sane person out there sees this as ANYTHING but a flat out money scam? I’m not downplaying her loss in the slightest, it certainly was her child that died. But if she wants the money now, she should have wanted Marcus just as much when she had him. Her actions don’t back that up in the slightest.

 

And people in this country wonder why foreigners think we are stupid. If she wins a single penny out of this, they are all right. It would be a mockery of our judicial system, and everyone involved should be ashamed. These are the things that make me ashamed to be part of this country, this system.

 

I’m not Anti-American, but I am Anti-Stupidity. I wish more of us existed.

Rested

The entire weekend thus far has been incredibly restful. I won’t claim to have been totally inactive, but it’s been close. We saw “Crank” last night with Brian. It was an entertaining action flick, nothing entirely special. Some neat visual effects, I’d say worth the money to go see.

 

I’ve gotten quite a bit of my book read this weekend, without even trying a whole lot. I’ve had lots of little bits of time to read a chapter here, chapter there, and I find I’m halfway through.  2 more after this one, and I’ll have all 6 in the Dune prequel series done. They’ve been really good books, very enjoyable.

 

I am slowly organizing myself into training mode again. I’ve got to get studying for some certifications again.  This is a daunting task, and I’m not sure how I want to accomplish this. However, I’ve been given the end of Sept as a target date for taking the test.

 

I refuse to stress out about this.

 

 

 

A few musings

Everything is interconnected. Even if it doesn’t appear to be on the surface. This is something Chicago drove home this past weekend.

 

1)      Letting an older gentleman cut in line in front of me at Dunkin Donuts on Sunday earned me not thanks, but a look like I had three heads. He was immediately suspicious of me.

2)      Drivers in Chicago do at least 10 mph over the speed limit at all times no matter what street you are on. Going slower gets you yelled at, honked at, and generally beat up for being a pansy.

3)      From at least 40 miles outside the city in ANY direction (think Cinci to Dayton folks), there is nothing but solid city. There are no spaces between towns, no extended stretches of two lanes roads without stop lights, etc. This would be a perfect example of urban sprawl. The only place I’ve been to and personally seen it worse was LA. There it was, no joke, 70 miles outside the city.

 

Cramming people together like this by default discourages personal interaction. Counter-intuitive? Not really. How can you pay attention to one person when there are 15 right behind her? How can you look out for other people when there are 25 people within 25 feet? How can you develop personal relationships when just getting across town takes 2 hours? Someone may be in your part of town today, and you may never see them again the entire time you live in such a place.

 

 

There are benefits to living in a smaller town. I constantly run into people all over the area that knew my father, knew my mother, knew me when I was little, knew someone else in my extended family (95% of which live in Cinci), etc. That type of familiarity cannot exist in a place as big as Chicago.

 

I can drive to Chicago and enjoy all those things that big city folk like to do. However, those Chicago people can NEVER experience the kind of life that I have here. It’s simply not possible for them, and that makes me sad in a way.

 

There, I would be just another number amongst millions, struggling to make myself heard over the crowd.

 

Here, I can be myself, and I can be connected to the fabric of society of the entire region, and I CAN make a difference.

 

I think I prefer it that way………………….

 

 

Tuesday

I was feeling pretty down most of the day. I think this was for several different reasons.

First, I was simply tired from a rough night. Worked out hard last night, then couldn’t sleep. I woke up about every 75 minutes or so for whatever reason.

Second, I’ve got a lot going through my head right now. I’m still organizing thoughts from the weekend. I was a little disappointed with class last night. Plus you can add all the various things that have happened in the last few weeks, so lots to think about.


I think I need a break soon. I’m doing a little too much, even on my off days. I think this upcoming holiday weekend will be good. There are no classes, and I think I’m going to relax and try to do as little as possible for a change. I think I need the time to get my head straight.

Weekend Reflections

So, here are my thoughts from the weekend.

 

Activity recap: Jen and I stayed in Friday night. She was kind enough to take me to Panera in the morning so I could get internet access for my fantasy football draft. So, we had breakfast, she read and I did what I needed to do. Pretty relaxing morning. We went into town during the afternoon, walked around a whole bunch. Didn’t ultimately find what we wanted, but that’s ok. We went to a cool Chinese place called the Smiling Buddha for dinner. Sunday we went to a USA vs. China women’s soccer game. Found out while we were there that this counted for the US towards Olympic qualifying in 2008. That was pretty fun. I left from there to come back to Cinci.

 

 

Here’s what I contemplated on the way home.

 

I know that Jen and I are supposed to be together. I know this in many different ways, two of which I realized this weekend in particular. In no real order:

 

1)       I play a completely different role in this relationship than I ever have in any previous relationships. It’s much more of an equal footing than I’ve ever experienced.

2)       Even the worst day we’ve had so far between us was still a good experience overall. We argued, then sat down and talked about it calmly and cleared everything right up about 15 minutes later. Things were strained for an hour or two, but we stayed with each other, and by the time we got home, everything was just fine. And all of our arguments have been this way.

 

 

Chicago is fun to visit, but I can’t deal with it for very long. Although I have no issues getting around (hell, I caught a few shortcuts for us by simply paying attention to what was around, even though I’ve never been there), there are simply too many people. Everything feels crowded and rushed. Everyone is running around a million miles an hour. People are rude, thoughtless, and worse yet, some of them are downright mean.

 

It’s absolutely amazing what one person can notice if you try. I was struck by this riding the El, walking around the “residential” areas of Chicago.

 

Acts of senseless negativity, downright hostility, wicked ignorance as people pass by events.

 

Acts of kindness, unique perspectives, completely different world views.

 

And these things change block to block, neighborhood by neighborhood. The buildings are the same, but some blocks have newer, brighter paint jobs. Some have burned out signs. Some have signs over remnants of older signs. And invariably on every block it seemed like one business was closing or closed and another was opening. Some blocks the empty spaces outweighed the full, and some blocks that was opposite. The closer you got to the city proper the fewer open spaces there were.

 

I must have heard 20 different languages. And yet from a distance, you couldn’t tell what they were speaking, but you could understand basically what the conversation was, from restocking shelves, unloading trucks, people have lunch conversations, etc. I really didn’t feel like language was much of a barrier all day when looked at from the proper perspective.

 

 

I won’t claim some deep understanding of life after one day walking around one of heavier population centers of our country. I won’t claim to have it all figured out now.

 

However, I will say that it was an experience that was very enlightening in many ways. Although I did not get to get into it as much as I would have liked, I felt like I was operating on a higher level again. There was so much to absorb, and I was really trying to get the most out of it.

 

I’ll post some more thoughts in the next few days. There is really a jumble floating around in my head, and I haven’t sorted it all out yet.

Disappointed

Alright, so Monday night at the dojo, I got some disappointing news.

 

They most likely are not going to allow me to test in September for my next belt. Although I still have one kata to learn before then, I somewhat question this. I don’t think the head instructor knows quite how much I’m at the dojo. He was surprised to hear what I know at this point, but he still said that they prefer not to allow blue to green testing in 3 months.

 

 

I’m taking this two ways.

 

First, I am a little pissed because I don’t feel like I’m getting enough new material taught. Monday is supposed to be new material night, and I haven’t learned anything on Monday nights in almost a month. I feel like I’m begging for new material from anyone that will teach it. Short version here: I don’t think my not being ready in September would have anything to do with my skills, but everything to do with the teaching. Which is somewhat disappointing since I’ve made such a big commitment to learning the material. I am at the dojo more than just about anyone else other than Rachel and Jones. At least for my level folks, can’t speak to the higher belts. I don’t know what else I could possibly do on my side.

 

 

Second, I see this as a test in patience. If they won’t let me test, I’ll perfect what I’ve got, work on my stances more, and work on the several long katas I know. This may be better for me in the long run. My conditioning will improve, as it already has greatly. My overall competence will improve. So these are all good things.

 

 

I run the risk of getting bored however, and I really, really don’t like that. That’s the one thing on this planet that I cannot stand. I’m pretty good at keeping myself interested, but I HATE to be held back. I learn much different than most folks, and much quicker. Being held back for whatever reason is 100% not acceptable.

 

So, I’m going to have some work to do here, and I’m not sure what’s up yet. I don’t want to back down my commitment, but if I get bored, it’s going to be really, really difficult to keep doing it this way. I guess I kind of see like I made a commitment to the dojo, and I want one back from them. And I’m not getting it, and that’s not going to work for very long.

 

 

 

Hmmm, we’ll see what the future brings.

Proposal

So, here’s what happened:

 

 A little over a month ago (July 16^th actually), as I was in Chicago hanging out with Jen, she rather spontaneously proposed. No fanfare or anything, we were in her house. I said “Of course I will”, and then neither one of us knew what to say to at least a good 30 seconds. And then we laughed. And then we started figuring out how we are going to do this.

 

So, we’ve spent the past month planning on getting our parents together at once. We finally got this accomplished on Saturday. We introduced them to one another, let them talk for a few minutes. I then explained to them that Jen had proposed, I had accepted, and that since the proposal was so unconventional, we got them together to ask for their blessing and support at once, rather than tell each group separately. We explained that we aren’t setting a date until Jen moves down here, which she is in the process of starting to work on today.

 

Both sets were delighted at the news. Her mom just kept laughing the whole night. No one was really surprised at the news, only at the timing. So that’s good.

 

And, we’ve decided that we are getting married in Costa Rica. So, start saving up if you want to join us! You’ve got at least 18 months!

 

 

 

 

 

News Flash!!!!!

In case anyone out there has missed it, Jen and I have decided to get married.

 

She proposed to me!

 

I’ll fill in more later……….

Feline Intuition

At least it’s Friday! It’s been a long week.


It’s absolutely hilarious to see the bond that had formed between Jen and my male cat Moose. Although he has mellowed considerably in the past 2 years, he’s always been somewhat of a persnickety cat. Aloof at times, affection at others, he’s definitely an individual. However, for Jen he is completely different. He follows her around almost like a puppy! Whenever she moves, he moves with her. Upstairs, downstairs, bathroom, he’s never far away from her. Waiting to be scritched. He sits on whatever chair she chooses if there is room, and jumps up on her side of the bed.

Or like now when he’s waiting at the bottom of the stairs for her to come down. Scratch that, he got tired of waiting and went up to find her.

This makes me happy, and sure she’s in the right place.

Cats choose their people well. (Anyone that thinks they own a cat is sadly mistaken.)

Frustrations

Ok, so right now I’m really frustrated by a few things.

 

 

I have a few friends that continually bitch about their lives. There is no positive, only negative. And yet when I ask what they are doing to try to make things better, they have a thousand excuses as to why they aren’t doing a damn thing. These people are lost, and I’m tired of playing pathfinder for them. I’m done coddling idiots that can’t get off their asses. I will help anyone change their life for the better, even if that means I need to get out of their life, but I cannot stand people who complain but won’t change. No one’s life gets better waiting for something to happen. For my part, I finally decided to do something with my life, and within 6 months I met Jen, who has changed my life in ways I can’t even begin to explain yet. I don’t believe in coincidences.

 

I feel like I’m spinning my wheels a lot at work. We have so much unrealized potential it’s ridiculous. And we can’t even begin to capitalize on it because we don’t have the manpower. And we aren’t moving quick enough to hire someone new because everyone is busy trying to keep up with the work we have. I just don’t understand how that isn’t incentive enough to get a new person in here.

 

I am sick and tired of listening to people complain about this political party, or that political party, or that candidate, or that senator. Why can’t the sheep out there understand that they are all the same thing? Both parties take contributions from the same damn people. The money all comes from the same place, no matter what letter is after their titles. And that’s what politics in this country is all about anyway, money. Money and power. Not one of the folks in DC is in it for you and me. And yet if you DARE say something good about the president, or bad about the president, or whatever, complete strangers won’t hesitate to call you all sorts of names these days.  ------------- This is democracy? No, I don’t think so. This is some stupid, bastardized, media controlled bullshit that is fed to the public. And they buy it hook, line, and sinker.

 

 

Ergh, sorry for the negative post, rough start to bad day already.

 

I hope everyone else has a better one!

 

 

 

Heavy Thoughts

Ok, just kidding, nothing serious today.

 

 

Had a great weekend + 1 day. Saturday I did pretty much nothing other than read and veg out. My foot was hurting too much to go to Fu, so. Jen and I had a fantastic dinner at an Italian place near my house. Sunday Jen and I went to the Bengals game, which was a blast. Monday I took off to spend with Jen. We had lunch with Karen, which was fun, then went swimming for a while, then Jen came and watched my Kung Fu class. That was boring for her I’m sure, but it was a good class as always. I had trouble walking this morning, but that’s relatively normal.

 

 

I’ve got a few thoughts going around in my head right now, but nothing concrete to tell you yet. Stay tuned!

 

 

Self

How do you perceive yourself?

 

Sounds like a simple question, eh? Only it’s not really, is it?

 

Are you merely the product of your parents’ genetic material? At a biological level, this is all you are. However, we humans think there is more to it than that, don’t we? We have this concept of “self”. When you go to the grocery store, you tell people “I am going to the grocery store”. Where does this “I” come from?

 

Some look to religion for this, hence the concept of having a soul. This soul is who you really are, and the flesh is merely a container in this instance. The origin of the soul is somewhat murky in most cultures, so it simply exists and is there.

 

Some look to the study of psychology, hence the concept of self-awareness. Our brains create our reality, and ultimate create our concept of self. There isn’t much explanation of how this self-awareness originated, only that it exists. You can see this as “I think therefore I am”.

 

I think perhaps the answer is a little of both, yet not quite. I can only use my own experiences here.

 

I see myself in two ways.

 

I am the product of my experiences up to this point. Everything anyone else has done to me shapes how I react to people now. Everything that I have done on my own also shapes how I react to situations now. This conglomeration of experiences is ultimately my “self”. And even though other people have had similar experiences, they do not react in the same ways. My brain filters these experiences and then controls my future reactions.

 

And yet, the above statement doesn’t quite get everything. I am capable of choosing to do things differently than my experiences would dictate. I am capable of, and this is important, creating my own reality. Although I’ve been through an awful lot of negative stuff in my short life, I choose to react positively in similar situations, even when I know the outcome probably won’t be positive. I choose to be nice to people that treat me poorly. I choose to try to make a difference even when past experience tells me it’s pointless to do so.

 

 

I find as time goes on this choosing can actually take precedence over my experiences. When this happens the outcome is often different than I think it will be, frequently on the positive side of things.

 

 

To tie this to yesterday’s post, all of this begs these questions:          

 

If the net of this is that the self can influence its own reality, why is it that so many people choose to live so poorly? Why do people choose realities full of work, with no time for friends and family? Why do people choose realities full of sorrow, with loneliness and heartache? Why do people choose realities structured so rigidly that they eventually crack, leading to nervous breakdowns and strife?

 

I challenge myself, and a select few that I think listen to me, to choose differently everyday. And my life, and I like to think to some extent the lives of those around me, has been better everyday since I started doing this.

 

Stop being afraid!

 

 

 

 

Choices/choosing

So, here’s some of what’s been going through my head the past day or two.

 

 

Choices:

 

We all make choices in our daily lives. We choose what to wear. We choose what to eat. We choose to go to work. We choose to come home to someone (or to no one as the case may be).

 

Yet so many of us feel like we have no choices. We can’t choose where we work. We can’t choose our friends. We can’t choose to not get fat. Or whatever, you know what I’m saying at this point.

 

I think that’s hogwash, to put it nicely.

 

We can choose those things. I choose to work for a small company rather than a large one that I could make more money at. I choose which people I talk to and which ones I don’t. I choose to work out hard 5 or 6 times a week to lose weight and feel better about myself.  I choose to put others before myself 9 times out of 10, even if it hurts me to do it. I choose to take time out of my day to talk with friends, even if I’m busy.

 

I choose these things because I believe them to be right. And everyone has that same choice every day, whether they believe that they do or not. You really don’t have to go to work today. There may be serious consequences if you don’t, but you still have the choice. You can choose not to work late today, or not to work through lunch today. Is the work going to go somewhere? Will it be there when you get back? Will someone else get a promotion if you don’t do it? Is your job more important that your relationship with your spouse? Or your friends?

 

I guess I have been contemplating the difference between myself and some of the people I know. I know so many people that have nothing else in their lives other than work. And I think that’s sad. They are so busy doing (???? Do any of them really know?????), that they have no time for friends, no time to discuss anything, no time for anything at all unless it’s talking about or bitching about work. Even when they leave work, that’s all they want to talk about. When they are at work, they feel like they are under a heavy work load, and little things slip away from them.

 

I left that all behind long ago. I can no longer be that slave, for that’s exactly what these people are. It’s very, very sad. I hate to leave some of these people behind, but the awakenings I’ve had in the past year no longer allow me to relate to these people.

 

Life is worth more than work. The people in my life are worth more than work. And I will never choose to let work come before those things. I am slowly gathering people around me that believe the same thing. Together, we will make a difference, and perhaps the rest of you will join us.

 

 

 

 

 

Weekend Update/Contemplation

Great weekend!

 

Went to Chicago to visit Jen. Traffic sucked on the way up, so it took 7 ½ hours to get there instead of 5, so I got there late. Her roommate Val and her friend Mary were waiting there to meet me. That was odd, since we literally said hello and then they left in a hurry. Not sure if I scared them or what, but……

 

Saturday we were going to go downtown, but Jen hurt her knee Friday night, so we ended up having a quick breakfast and going to IKEA for part of the day. That was fun, lots of neat stuff, have to be careful not to spend lots of money there. I could totally redecorate my entire house in that one store, so…….  We then just headed home and relaxed together until we met up with some of Jen’s friends to have dinner. Dinner was great, all of her friends were very nice. We stayed a little too long talking (well, I was talking, kept pushing the time back, sorry Jen), so we ended up missing the movie we wanted to go see. That was ok since it meant we got home early and had the house to ourselves for a while.

 

Sunday we slept in, then went to breakfast and generally just hung out all day until I had to come home. All in all it was a great weekend, and I always feel better after seeing Jen. I’m a little tired and sore today from the drive, but that’s ok.

 

 

 

 

Contemplation:

I’m having a really hard time with conservative Christians right now that see force as a justifiable means for peace. I personally have no problems with force and the use of force, but if you truly believe in the Christian faith, you cannot see it as anything other than evil, and you cannot endorse the use of force by your government as a result. Where in the New Testament does Jesus pick up a machine gun or pilot a jet to bomb a house? If I’m missing it, someone point it out to me, because that’s a scripture I would read J.

 

And what really throws me for a loop is that the more of them I talk to, the more of them I understand are willing to even use nuclear weapons if it came down to that. Can you be more hypocritical? I really don’t think so...................

 

Friday Thought

Alright, getting ready to leave for Chicago, and I’ll leave you with this thoughts for now……

 

 

Watched a fascinating show about the Mayans and their calendar last night. Their calendar ends on Dec 21^st, 2012, which of course is the date that they believe not only the world, but the universe, will end. It just so happens that on that date our Sun has a very rare alignment with the center of the Milky Way, and our Earth completes a cycle of it’s orbit wobble, which happens only every 26,000 years as well. These two events are extraordinarily rare, and it’s odd that the Mayans were able to predict this during Europe’s dark ages. I’ve read other things regarding their predictions as well, very cool stuff. They perceived time a lot like modern quantum physicists, in that travel is possible not only forward, but backward. Pretty neat for a “backward” people…….makes you wonder just how much knowledge we’ve lost………………

 

 

 

 

 

Thoughts

So, a few thoughts for today.

 

Last night was ex-girlfriend night for dreaming. For once I remember a dream that wasn’t a nightmare! I saw almost all of my ex-girlfriends from the past, most notably absent was my ex-wife. The dream was mostly non-sexual, but it was very pleasant nonetheless. I woke up halfway refreshed for a change.

 

I’ve been reflecting a lot recently that all of my good friends are female. My closest male friend doesn’t get even half out of me what my female friends do. I’m not a typical guy in that respect, as I don’t enjoy what most would consider typical guy talk. I prefer more serious discussions for the most part, and I find that most guys simply don’t like to have those conversations. Or if they do, they aren’t willing to discuss a subject, they merely want to project their own opinion as forcefully as possible, making sure that you KNOW they are right and you are wrong. Call it being more civilized, more fair, whatever, but I find I enjoy talking to women a whole heck of a lot more than I do talking to men.

 

I am trying not to fall into a rut at work, and I’m finding that I’m not very successful at doing it. I’m consistently bored with what I am doing, and I find I just want to get the day done so I can start the interesting part of my life. I don’t know what to do about that.

 

 

I am finding myself thinking a lot about the Robert Heinlein book “Friday” recently. Very interesting social commentary on relationships, both sexual and non-sexual, and what makes people happy, along with a darn good conspiracy story in the process. I like the book a lot, and it keeps popping up in my head.

 

I want to see “A Scanner Darkly” soon. It’s playing at the Esquire here in Cinci, very limited release elsewhere. It’s based on one of my favorite stories by Philip K. Dick, a story by the same name. I’m interested to find out what they had to change. The story is about addiction and split personalities, and somewhat chronicles some of the struggles that the author went through in his own life. The movie has Keanu Reeves, Robert Downey Jr., Winona Ryder, and Woody Harrelson in it. Looks fascinating.

 

 

 

 

That’s all for now. I may write more later depending on how the day goes.

 

 

 

Net Neutrality

I don’t have much to say today, not that’s constructive in any way,  so I’ll give you these links on Net Neutrality today. Read, be informed, exercise your freedoms!

 

http://www.google.com/help/netneutrality.html

 

http://news.com.com/Net+neutrality+showdown/2009-1028_3-6055133.html

 

http://www.savetheinternet.com/

 

http://www.computerworld.com/action/article.do?command=viewArticleBasic&taxonomyName=government&articleId=9001877&taxonomyId=13

 

http://www.itsournet.org/

 

http://www.internetofthefuture.org/