Insight

Isn’t that what we all really want? Insight into how someone else is thinking? Insight into how to better do your job, your marriage, your life?

 

The insight we all really need, myself included, is insight into why we do things we do. I’m notorious for building things up in my head only to be sorely disappointed when it doesn’t happen the way I wanted it to. Why do I do this? And how do I stop doing this?

 

I look at my life, and the things that aren’t right, and I try to take steps to make things better. To a great extent I am successful. However, when it’s something I really, really, really (yes, really x 3) want, then caution gets thrown to the wind. I prepare for the event or action that I want to happen, and it gets built up in my head until anything less than perfection is a disappointment. And then the event or action rolls around, and as we know perfection never happens. So even when I get what I want, I’m still not satisfied because it’s not everything I want it to be.

 

There is one area in particular that I am absolutely horrible at this, and it really hurts to say I don’t seem to have learned my lesson there.

 

I have tried to start mitigating this. How? By expecting and anticipating nothing. “Well,” you may say, “that sounds like a crappy way to go through life.” I disagree. By taking away expectations, everything that happens is a bonus. I wasn’t expecting to hear from so and so, and then I do, and that’s awesome. I wasn’t expecting to have something to do on Friday, but then I do, and that’s great. The negatives don’t seem so negative because I wasn’t expecting the opposite.

 

This all goes back to experience each moment as it comes, and stop worrying about the future and things you can’t control. It’s a daily struggle, and it’s never easy. Most assuredly not easy when there are things in life you really want.  

Ordinary moments

How many times do we waste away the day waiting for something to end, a meeting or task or whatever? How often do we ignore the present thinking about what we will have for dinner, or what we will do later on?

 

This is my challenge to you, and something I have been challenging myself on everyday for the past 2 months. Remember that there are no ordinary moments. There is no future, only a continuing series of NOW. Exist fully in each moment. Take no experience, good or bad, for granted. Everything you do, from opening a can of vegetables, to driving your car to work, to spending time with your children, to confessing something important to someone close to you, is a unique opportunity to exist here and now and to learn. It’s amazing what you can learn from mundane tasks, and how much quicker they will go when you let go and simply exist.

 

What’s also amazing is how much happier you will be. When you find yourself caught up in worrying about what’s coming next or what you are going to do, LET IT GO. Tell yourself that,  “Let it go!”

Hello Stranger

Yes, it’s been quite some time since I posted last. There are many reasons for that, but none of them are really important.

 

 

The collarbone is healed for the most part. I still have a significant amount of pain, but that’s normal according to the doctor. My left side is waaaay weaker than my right side at this point, and that’s frustrating. I’m working on it though.

 

Preparations for black belt test in June are going well. I feel great, I haven’t lost any ground due to being injured. This is mostly because I’m too stubborn to rest. This applies to a great many other areas of my life as well. It’s a blessing and curse at the same time.

 

I’ve begun meditating daily. Some days this is good, other days it is not. Clearing my mind is not always an easy task for me. But I keep trying, and that’s the main thing. Practice, practice, practice.

 

I finally feel very comfortable in my own space. The house is mine again, and I’ve started rearranging things and adding new things to make it feel more like my home. It CAN get lonely, but such is life. I have worked to cultivate some healthy friendships with Fu folks, and those are very fulfilling. It’s wonderful to be part of such a good group of people, and to know that they believe I belong there.

 

I sometimes wonder exactly what it is that I have started for myself. I am not the same person I was even a year ago. I feel like I have come far, but have so far yet to go. Some things have worked as I intended, and others have not gone as I would have wished.

 

Each day is a challenge to be the person that I know I can be, and most days I am up to that task.