Long week

Howdy, where to start?

 

It’s been a long week with Jen out of town. I put in a lot of time at work, which is fine. Drove to Indianapolis yesterday for a call. I got to see another friend from California last night, which was good. I put my time in at the dojo, and got a few other things done as well.

 

Resolution update……. I’ve been good! I can feel the difference in my body already, and it’s a good thing.

 

Mentally, the nightmares have stopped. I’m still having very vivid dreams like before, but they at least aren’t frightening.

 

I’ve come to the realization this week that I’m really not missing my past anymore. There have been times when I missed the big group getting together and having fun, but those times have been past for nearly a year now. I’m at peace with myself and the decisions I’ve made. My true friends see this, and they are happy about it. My old group sees me the way that I was, and believe that I need to get back to who I was. They miss getting together and having our large group the way it was.

 

Why? I didn’t like the person I was then. Why do I want to open old wounds and deal with people I really don’t care for anymore? Why do I want to do these things when I have a new group of friends that doesn’t care who I was then? They care who I am now, and they are good for me. But I’m not doing things the way that some people think I should be, and so therefore I must not be better. I must be holding on to something that’s going to cause me problems with Jen, or with my new life, according to their opinions.

 

I’ve made peace with my past. I know my mistakes and try to avoid making them now. I’ve put the bad things behind me, and that includes people that aren’t healthy for me. It’s a tough set of choices I’ve had to make. (And yes, I was forced into making them because of the situation, I didn’t want to make them.) But I’ve come through it, I’m better for it, and I’m content with how things turned out. I wish others could see that I’m content and stop trying to interfere with my new life.

 

My new life is crammed full of good things and good people. And that’s because I chose to make it that way. Everyone has to grow and change, and that’s what I’ve done.

 

Endings mean new beginnings, even if the ending itself is painful and the beginning is hard to see. But too many of us, myself included, hang on to try to prevent the ending parts. Without death (in a metaphoric type of sense), there cannot be new life. Cut the life support, and get on with your new beginning………………….and learn what it is to be free.

 

I have, so can you.