Jen and I had a great weekend, and I feel much better than I did last week.
Jen makes me laugh more than I let myself laugh. I just have to learn to let her do it more, and not get frustrated with her spritely nature. It’s not an easy thing for me to do, but it’s a very important thing for me to do.
I love you Jen!
I have forgotten how to laugh.
I have forgotten what it is to have a good time.
I have forgotten what it is like to be carefree.
I have forgotten how to smile most of the time.
I get frustrated with happy people for not taking things more seriously.
I find fault with movies, books, conversations, and people that don’t live in what I call the real world, that don’t have plots with serious themes, that don’t have some type of point.
I can’t take a joke, no matter how small. I take offense instead.
I have forgotten how to look at things with wonder, and instead only see the pale reflection of envy because I cannot.
I have forgotten how to see the world in splendor, and instead see darkness and ashes.
I have forgotten how to ask for help to change this.
So, for the past week or so, I’ve been taking an active part in some self-realization through meditation. A small group of us have been learning some techniques and posting to a message board about how things have been going. It’s pretty amazing what this can do for one. Let me explain a bit.
There are two different ways we meditate.
There is a traditional “soft” meditation, like what most of you probably think of when you conceptualize meditation. Sitting quietly, clearing your mind, etc. We do that, focusing on the breathing, in through the nose, out through the mouth. The mind should stay clear. The trick here is this. Instead of REACTING to thoughts or emotions, you have to REFLECT on those thoughts and emotions, and then TAKE ACTION. Think of it this way: With the eyes closed, you float in a dark void, and thoughts enter the void from outside. You can look at those thoughts, examine where they come from, examine any predjudices you may have associated with those thoughts, then deal with those thoughts in the best possible way FOR ALL PEOPLE INVOLVED. This is a very foreign concept to western society in general, and very difficult for us Americans in particular. It’s a hard thing to get the hang of.
There is also “hard” meditation. This involves tensing the body as you are trying to mediate. You stand, or do forms, or in general tense up the muscles. All the while you are trying to keep your mind clear, trying to focus on absolutely nothing. Obviously you work up a sweat, and it’s more difficult than you might think.
Anyways, so we’ve been meditating daily, fitting it in where we can, and each posts their sessions each day to a message board. We all do things differently. There isn’t a lot of commenting back and forth, as meditation is a personal thing. But there is some, and just knowing other people are doing it is also a big thing. More motivation to do it every day.
Depending on culture, meditation allows us to experience different “states” of awareness and consciousness. The first is what I’ve described already. When one meditates enough, daily living becomes an exercise in REFLECTing and then TAKING ACTION. Too many of us, myself included, react to things that go on around us. My goal over the next couple of months is to really try to reflect more on the things that go on around us.
Just in this past week, it’s really remarkable the sense of overall peace I feel compared to the week before I started doing thing seriously. I’ll make sure to post my continued thoughts on it. And let me know if you have any specific questions about anything!
Since I haven’t posted in a while, I’d thought I’d copy my fiancé and do a list.
1. It’s amazing how different people who are close to you can see you as a person.
2. A little compassion can go a long way.
3. I really don’t like preachy people.
4. I have started some meditation learning, and it’s absolutely unbelievable.
5. I am happy I finally got my server at home running again. It’s time to play with stuff.
6. It’s dismaying when people assume they know what you are thinking, without asking.
7. I just completed a project that no one else in my company comprehends. That’s pretty awesome J.
8. I can now do front and back walkovers, something that always eluded me when I was little.
9. I got to see an actual OC-192 today that was working…
10. I have a few customers that actually treat me better than some of my friends do.
11. Even though I have none myself, it’s disturbing to hear someone say that they have lost their faith, especially when they say it’s because of you.
12. I find myself hanging onto the void most of the day. Read Wheel of Time and you’ll get it.
13. No dinner and no breakfast actually makes it tough to eat lunch…..
A few random thoughts for your Friday:
The Creation Museum: http://www.creationmuseum.org/ Now this has got to be one of the asinine things I’ve seen in a long time. A museum based on opinion. You’re joking right? Not only are they not joking, this lovely farce exists in the only place it logically could…….near Cincinnati. Anyone feel like a day trip to laugh at the idiots?
Transformers was a lot of fun on the 4th. I really liked what they did with it. It’s worth paying to go see. Even Jen had fun watching….
I am actually close to being able to do the splits, at least front ways. Straddle, not so much………..
I learned how to break boards with an underhand strike called an ox tongue break.
Every major news media outlet has been reporting about the excessive heat out west………. Here’s my two cents, having lived there for two years…….. IT’S THE FRICKING DESERT, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? It’s like moving to Antartica and then complaining that it’s cold. Why the hell is this front page news for every national group?
Anyways, have a great weekend!
