A few musings

Everything is interconnected. Even if it doesn’t appear to be on the surface. This is something Chicago drove home this past weekend.

 

1)      Letting an older gentleman cut in line in front of me at Dunkin Donuts on Sunday earned me not thanks, but a look like I had three heads. He was immediately suspicious of me.

2)      Drivers in Chicago do at least 10 mph over the speed limit at all times no matter what street you are on. Going slower gets you yelled at, honked at, and generally beat up for being a pansy.

3)      From at least 40 miles outside the city in ANY direction (think Cinci to Dayton folks), there is nothing but solid city. There are no spaces between towns, no extended stretches of two lanes roads without stop lights, etc. This would be a perfect example of urban sprawl. The only place I’ve been to and personally seen it worse was LA. There it was, no joke, 70 miles outside the city.

 

Cramming people together like this by default discourages personal interaction. Counter-intuitive? Not really. How can you pay attention to one person when there are 15 right behind her? How can you look out for other people when there are 25 people within 25 feet? How can you develop personal relationships when just getting across town takes 2 hours? Someone may be in your part of town today, and you may never see them again the entire time you live in such a place.

 

 

There are benefits to living in a smaller town. I constantly run into people all over the area that knew my father, knew my mother, knew me when I was little, knew someone else in my extended family (95% of which live in Cinci), etc. That type of familiarity cannot exist in a place as big as Chicago.

 

I can drive to Chicago and enjoy all those things that big city folk like to do. However, those Chicago people can NEVER experience the kind of life that I have here. It’s simply not possible for them, and that makes me sad in a way.

 

There, I would be just another number amongst millions, struggling to make myself heard over the crowd.

 

Here, I can be myself, and I can be connected to the fabric of society of the entire region, and I CAN make a difference.

 

I think I prefer it that way………………….

 

 

Tuesday

I was feeling pretty down most of the day. I think this was for several different reasons.

First, I was simply tired from a rough night. Worked out hard last night, then couldn’t sleep. I woke up about every 75 minutes or so for whatever reason.

Second, I’ve got a lot going through my head right now. I’m still organizing thoughts from the weekend. I was a little disappointed with class last night. Plus you can add all the various things that have happened in the last few weeks, so lots to think about.


I think I need a break soon. I’m doing a little too much, even on my off days. I think this upcoming holiday weekend will be good. There are no classes, and I think I’m going to relax and try to do as little as possible for a change. I think I need the time to get my head straight.

Weekend Reflections

So, here are my thoughts from the weekend.

 

Activity recap: Jen and I stayed in Friday night. She was kind enough to take me to Panera in the morning so I could get internet access for my fantasy football draft. So, we had breakfast, she read and I did what I needed to do. Pretty relaxing morning. We went into town during the afternoon, walked around a whole bunch. Didn’t ultimately find what we wanted, but that’s ok. We went to a cool Chinese place called the Smiling Buddha for dinner. Sunday we went to a USA vs. China women’s soccer game. Found out while we were there that this counted for the US towards Olympic qualifying in 2008. That was pretty fun. I left from there to come back to Cinci.

 

 

Here’s what I contemplated on the way home.

 

I know that Jen and I are supposed to be together. I know this in many different ways, two of which I realized this weekend in particular. In no real order:

 

1)       I play a completely different role in this relationship than I ever have in any previous relationships. It’s much more of an equal footing than I’ve ever experienced.

2)       Even the worst day we’ve had so far between us was still a good experience overall. We argued, then sat down and talked about it calmly and cleared everything right up about 15 minutes later. Things were strained for an hour or two, but we stayed with each other, and by the time we got home, everything was just fine. And all of our arguments have been this way.

 

 

Chicago is fun to visit, but I can’t deal with it for very long. Although I have no issues getting around (hell, I caught a few shortcuts for us by simply paying attention to what was around, even though I’ve never been there), there are simply too many people. Everything feels crowded and rushed. Everyone is running around a million miles an hour. People are rude, thoughtless, and worse yet, some of them are downright mean.

 

It’s absolutely amazing what one person can notice if you try. I was struck by this riding the El, walking around the “residential” areas of Chicago.

 

Acts of senseless negativity, downright hostility, wicked ignorance as people pass by events.

 

Acts of kindness, unique perspectives, completely different world views.

 

And these things change block to block, neighborhood by neighborhood. The buildings are the same, but some blocks have newer, brighter paint jobs. Some have burned out signs. Some have signs over remnants of older signs. And invariably on every block it seemed like one business was closing or closed and another was opening. Some blocks the empty spaces outweighed the full, and some blocks that was opposite. The closer you got to the city proper the fewer open spaces there were.

 

I must have heard 20 different languages. And yet from a distance, you couldn’t tell what they were speaking, but you could understand basically what the conversation was, from restocking shelves, unloading trucks, people have lunch conversations, etc. I really didn’t feel like language was much of a barrier all day when looked at from the proper perspective.

 

 

I won’t claim some deep understanding of life after one day walking around one of heavier population centers of our country. I won’t claim to have it all figured out now.

 

However, I will say that it was an experience that was very enlightening in many ways. Although I did not get to get into it as much as I would have liked, I felt like I was operating on a higher level again. There was so much to absorb, and I was really trying to get the most out of it.

 

I’ll post some more thoughts in the next few days. There is really a jumble floating around in my head, and I haven’t sorted it all out yet.

Disappointed

Alright, so Monday night at the dojo, I got some disappointing news.

 

They most likely are not going to allow me to test in September for my next belt. Although I still have one kata to learn before then, I somewhat question this. I don’t think the head instructor knows quite how much I’m at the dojo. He was surprised to hear what I know at this point, but he still said that they prefer not to allow blue to green testing in 3 months.

 

 

I’m taking this two ways.

 

First, I am a little pissed because I don’t feel like I’m getting enough new material taught. Monday is supposed to be new material night, and I haven’t learned anything on Monday nights in almost a month. I feel like I’m begging for new material from anyone that will teach it. Short version here: I don’t think my not being ready in September would have anything to do with my skills, but everything to do with the teaching. Which is somewhat disappointing since I’ve made such a big commitment to learning the material. I am at the dojo more than just about anyone else other than Rachel and Jones. At least for my level folks, can’t speak to the higher belts. I don’t know what else I could possibly do on my side.

 

 

Second, I see this as a test in patience. If they won’t let me test, I’ll perfect what I’ve got, work on my stances more, and work on the several long katas I know. This may be better for me in the long run. My conditioning will improve, as it already has greatly. My overall competence will improve. So these are all good things.

 

 

I run the risk of getting bored however, and I really, really don’t like that. That’s the one thing on this planet that I cannot stand. I’m pretty good at keeping myself interested, but I HATE to be held back. I learn much different than most folks, and much quicker. Being held back for whatever reason is 100% not acceptable.

 

So, I’m going to have some work to do here, and I’m not sure what’s up yet. I don’t want to back down my commitment, but if I get bored, it’s going to be really, really difficult to keep doing it this way. I guess I kind of see like I made a commitment to the dojo, and I want one back from them. And I’m not getting it, and that’s not going to work for very long.

 

 

 

Hmmm, we’ll see what the future brings.

Proposal

So, here’s what happened:

 

 A little over a month ago (July 16^th actually), as I was in Chicago hanging out with Jen, she rather spontaneously proposed. No fanfare or anything, we were in her house. I said “Of course I will”, and then neither one of us knew what to say to at least a good 30 seconds. And then we laughed. And then we started figuring out how we are going to do this.

 

So, we’ve spent the past month planning on getting our parents together at once. We finally got this accomplished on Saturday. We introduced them to one another, let them talk for a few minutes. I then explained to them that Jen had proposed, I had accepted, and that since the proposal was so unconventional, we got them together to ask for their blessing and support at once, rather than tell each group separately. We explained that we aren’t setting a date until Jen moves down here, which she is in the process of starting to work on today.

 

Both sets were delighted at the news. Her mom just kept laughing the whole night. No one was really surprised at the news, only at the timing. So that’s good.

 

And, we’ve decided that we are getting married in Costa Rica. So, start saving up if you want to join us! You’ve got at least 18 months!

 

 

 

 

 

News Flash!!!!!

In case anyone out there has missed it, Jen and I have decided to get married.

 

She proposed to me!

 

I’ll fill in more later……….

Feline Intuition

At least it’s Friday! It’s been a long week.


It’s absolutely hilarious to see the bond that had formed between Jen and my male cat Moose. Although he has mellowed considerably in the past 2 years, he’s always been somewhat of a persnickety cat. Aloof at times, affection at others, he’s definitely an individual. However, for Jen he is completely different. He follows her around almost like a puppy! Whenever she moves, he moves with her. Upstairs, downstairs, bathroom, he’s never far away from her. Waiting to be scritched. He sits on whatever chair she chooses if there is room, and jumps up on her side of the bed.

Or like now when he’s waiting at the bottom of the stairs for her to come down. Scratch that, he got tired of waiting and went up to find her.

This makes me happy, and sure she’s in the right place.

Cats choose their people well. (Anyone that thinks they own a cat is sadly mistaken.)

Frustrations

Ok, so right now I’m really frustrated by a few things.

 

 

I have a few friends that continually bitch about their lives. There is no positive, only negative. And yet when I ask what they are doing to try to make things better, they have a thousand excuses as to why they aren’t doing a damn thing. These people are lost, and I’m tired of playing pathfinder for them. I’m done coddling idiots that can’t get off their asses. I will help anyone change their life for the better, even if that means I need to get out of their life, but I cannot stand people who complain but won’t change. No one’s life gets better waiting for something to happen. For my part, I finally decided to do something with my life, and within 6 months I met Jen, who has changed my life in ways I can’t even begin to explain yet. I don’t believe in coincidences.

 

I feel like I’m spinning my wheels a lot at work. We have so much unrealized potential it’s ridiculous. And we can’t even begin to capitalize on it because we don’t have the manpower. And we aren’t moving quick enough to hire someone new because everyone is busy trying to keep up with the work we have. I just don’t understand how that isn’t incentive enough to get a new person in here.

 

I am sick and tired of listening to people complain about this political party, or that political party, or that candidate, or that senator. Why can’t the sheep out there understand that they are all the same thing? Both parties take contributions from the same damn people. The money all comes from the same place, no matter what letter is after their titles. And that’s what politics in this country is all about anyway, money. Money and power. Not one of the folks in DC is in it for you and me. And yet if you DARE say something good about the president, or bad about the president, or whatever, complete strangers won’t hesitate to call you all sorts of names these days.  ------------- This is democracy? No, I don’t think so. This is some stupid, bastardized, media controlled bullshit that is fed to the public. And they buy it hook, line, and sinker.

 

 

Ergh, sorry for the negative post, rough start to bad day already.

 

I hope everyone else has a better one!

 

 

 

Heavy Thoughts

Ok, just kidding, nothing serious today.

 

 

Had a great weekend + 1 day. Saturday I did pretty much nothing other than read and veg out. My foot was hurting too much to go to Fu, so. Jen and I had a fantastic dinner at an Italian place near my house. Sunday Jen and I went to the Bengals game, which was a blast. Monday I took off to spend with Jen. We had lunch with Karen, which was fun, then went swimming for a while, then Jen came and watched my Kung Fu class. That was boring for her I’m sure, but it was a good class as always. I had trouble walking this morning, but that’s relatively normal.

 

 

I’ve got a few thoughts going around in my head right now, but nothing concrete to tell you yet. Stay tuned!

 

 

Self

How do you perceive yourself?

 

Sounds like a simple question, eh? Only it’s not really, is it?

 

Are you merely the product of your parents’ genetic material? At a biological level, this is all you are. However, we humans think there is more to it than that, don’t we? We have this concept of “self”. When you go to the grocery store, you tell people “I am going to the grocery store”. Where does this “I” come from?

 

Some look to religion for this, hence the concept of having a soul. This soul is who you really are, and the flesh is merely a container in this instance. The origin of the soul is somewhat murky in most cultures, so it simply exists and is there.

 

Some look to the study of psychology, hence the concept of self-awareness. Our brains create our reality, and ultimate create our concept of self. There isn’t much explanation of how this self-awareness originated, only that it exists. You can see this as “I think therefore I am”.

 

I think perhaps the answer is a little of both, yet not quite. I can only use my own experiences here.

 

I see myself in two ways.

 

I am the product of my experiences up to this point. Everything anyone else has done to me shapes how I react to people now. Everything that I have done on my own also shapes how I react to situations now. This conglomeration of experiences is ultimately my “self”. And even though other people have had similar experiences, they do not react in the same ways. My brain filters these experiences and then controls my future reactions.

 

And yet, the above statement doesn’t quite get everything. I am capable of choosing to do things differently than my experiences would dictate. I am capable of, and this is important, creating my own reality. Although I’ve been through an awful lot of negative stuff in my short life, I choose to react positively in similar situations, even when I know the outcome probably won’t be positive. I choose to be nice to people that treat me poorly. I choose to try to make a difference even when past experience tells me it’s pointless to do so.

 

 

I find as time goes on this choosing can actually take precedence over my experiences. When this happens the outcome is often different than I think it will be, frequently on the positive side of things.

 

 

To tie this to yesterday’s post, all of this begs these questions:          

 

If the net of this is that the self can influence its own reality, why is it that so many people choose to live so poorly? Why do people choose realities full of work, with no time for friends and family? Why do people choose realities full of sorrow, with loneliness and heartache? Why do people choose realities structured so rigidly that they eventually crack, leading to nervous breakdowns and strife?

 

I challenge myself, and a select few that I think listen to me, to choose differently everyday. And my life, and I like to think to some extent the lives of those around me, has been better everyday since I started doing this.

 

Stop being afraid!

 

 

 

 

Choices/choosing

So, here’s some of what’s been going through my head the past day or two.

 

 

Choices:

 

We all make choices in our daily lives. We choose what to wear. We choose what to eat. We choose to go to work. We choose to come home to someone (or to no one as the case may be).

 

Yet so many of us feel like we have no choices. We can’t choose where we work. We can’t choose our friends. We can’t choose to not get fat. Or whatever, you know what I’m saying at this point.

 

I think that’s hogwash, to put it nicely.

 

We can choose those things. I choose to work for a small company rather than a large one that I could make more money at. I choose which people I talk to and which ones I don’t. I choose to work out hard 5 or 6 times a week to lose weight and feel better about myself.  I choose to put others before myself 9 times out of 10, even if it hurts me to do it. I choose to take time out of my day to talk with friends, even if I’m busy.

 

I choose these things because I believe them to be right. And everyone has that same choice every day, whether they believe that they do or not. You really don’t have to go to work today. There may be serious consequences if you don’t, but you still have the choice. You can choose not to work late today, or not to work through lunch today. Is the work going to go somewhere? Will it be there when you get back? Will someone else get a promotion if you don’t do it? Is your job more important that your relationship with your spouse? Or your friends?

 

I guess I have been contemplating the difference between myself and some of the people I know. I know so many people that have nothing else in their lives other than work. And I think that’s sad. They are so busy doing (???? Do any of them really know?????), that they have no time for friends, no time to discuss anything, no time for anything at all unless it’s talking about or bitching about work. Even when they leave work, that’s all they want to talk about. When they are at work, they feel like they are under a heavy work load, and little things slip away from them.

 

I left that all behind long ago. I can no longer be that slave, for that’s exactly what these people are. It’s very, very sad. I hate to leave some of these people behind, but the awakenings I’ve had in the past year no longer allow me to relate to these people.

 

Life is worth more than work. The people in my life are worth more than work. And I will never choose to let work come before those things. I am slowly gathering people around me that believe the same thing. Together, we will make a difference, and perhaps the rest of you will join us.

 

 

 

 

 

Weekend Update/Contemplation

Great weekend!

 

Went to Chicago to visit Jen. Traffic sucked on the way up, so it took 7 ½ hours to get there instead of 5, so I got there late. Her roommate Val and her friend Mary were waiting there to meet me. That was odd, since we literally said hello and then they left in a hurry. Not sure if I scared them or what, but……

 

Saturday we were going to go downtown, but Jen hurt her knee Friday night, so we ended up having a quick breakfast and going to IKEA for part of the day. That was fun, lots of neat stuff, have to be careful not to spend lots of money there. I could totally redecorate my entire house in that one store, so…….  We then just headed home and relaxed together until we met up with some of Jen’s friends to have dinner. Dinner was great, all of her friends were very nice. We stayed a little too long talking (well, I was talking, kept pushing the time back, sorry Jen), so we ended up missing the movie we wanted to go see. That was ok since it meant we got home early and had the house to ourselves for a while.

 

Sunday we slept in, then went to breakfast and generally just hung out all day until I had to come home. All in all it was a great weekend, and I always feel better after seeing Jen. I’m a little tired and sore today from the drive, but that’s ok.

 

 

 

 

Contemplation:

I’m having a really hard time with conservative Christians right now that see force as a justifiable means for peace. I personally have no problems with force and the use of force, but if you truly believe in the Christian faith, you cannot see it as anything other than evil, and you cannot endorse the use of force by your government as a result. Where in the New Testament does Jesus pick up a machine gun or pilot a jet to bomb a house? If I’m missing it, someone point it out to me, because that’s a scripture I would read J.

 

And what really throws me for a loop is that the more of them I talk to, the more of them I understand are willing to even use nuclear weapons if it came down to that. Can you be more hypocritical? I really don’t think so...................

 

Friday Thought

Alright, getting ready to leave for Chicago, and I’ll leave you with this thoughts for now……

 

 

Watched a fascinating show about the Mayans and their calendar last night. Their calendar ends on Dec 21^st, 2012, which of course is the date that they believe not only the world, but the universe, will end. It just so happens that on that date our Sun has a very rare alignment with the center of the Milky Way, and our Earth completes a cycle of it’s orbit wobble, which happens only every 26,000 years as well. These two events are extraordinarily rare, and it’s odd that the Mayans were able to predict this during Europe’s dark ages. I’ve read other things regarding their predictions as well, very cool stuff. They perceived time a lot like modern quantum physicists, in that travel is possible not only forward, but backward. Pretty neat for a “backward” people…….makes you wonder just how much knowledge we’ve lost………………

 

 

 

 

 

Thoughts

So, a few thoughts for today.

 

Last night was ex-girlfriend night for dreaming. For once I remember a dream that wasn’t a nightmare! I saw almost all of my ex-girlfriends from the past, most notably absent was my ex-wife. The dream was mostly non-sexual, but it was very pleasant nonetheless. I woke up halfway refreshed for a change.

 

I’ve been reflecting a lot recently that all of my good friends are female. My closest male friend doesn’t get even half out of me what my female friends do. I’m not a typical guy in that respect, as I don’t enjoy what most would consider typical guy talk. I prefer more serious discussions for the most part, and I find that most guys simply don’t like to have those conversations. Or if they do, they aren’t willing to discuss a subject, they merely want to project their own opinion as forcefully as possible, making sure that you KNOW they are right and you are wrong. Call it being more civilized, more fair, whatever, but I find I enjoy talking to women a whole heck of a lot more than I do talking to men.

 

I am trying not to fall into a rut at work, and I’m finding that I’m not very successful at doing it. I’m consistently bored with what I am doing, and I find I just want to get the day done so I can start the interesting part of my life. I don’t know what to do about that.

 

 

I am finding myself thinking a lot about the Robert Heinlein book “Friday” recently. Very interesting social commentary on relationships, both sexual and non-sexual, and what makes people happy, along with a darn good conspiracy story in the process. I like the book a lot, and it keeps popping up in my head.

 

I want to see “A Scanner Darkly” soon. It’s playing at the Esquire here in Cinci, very limited release elsewhere. It’s based on one of my favorite stories by Philip K. Dick, a story by the same name. I’m interested to find out what they had to change. The story is about addiction and split personalities, and somewhat chronicles some of the struggles that the author went through in his own life. The movie has Keanu Reeves, Robert Downey Jr., Winona Ryder, and Woody Harrelson in it. Looks fascinating.

 

 

 

 

That’s all for now. I may write more later depending on how the day goes.

 

 

 

Net Neutrality

I don’t have much to say today, not that’s constructive in any way,  so I’ll give you these links on Net Neutrality today. Read, be informed, exercise your freedoms!

 

http://www.google.com/help/netneutrality.html

 

http://news.com.com/Net+neutrality+showdown/2009-1028_3-6055133.html

 

http://www.savetheinternet.com/

 

http://www.computerworld.com/action/article.do?command=viewArticleBasic&taxonomyName=government&articleId=9001877&taxonomyId=13

 

http://www.itsournet.org/

 

http://www.internetofthefuture.org/