So yes, I Chin Ching was absolutely brutal, and I can’t wait to go back. I’m definitely sick in the head.
I hurt really bad today in unexpected places. Right down my sternum, underneath my arms, my hips, my neck. I know now why the blackbelts say I Chin Ching is the hardest class to do. Good flexibility and strength training though!
So after conditioning today, I’ve decided that I must have something wrong with me. ……..
Saturday means start at 1 for the lower belt class, my class at 2 PM, higher level class at 3 which I stay through, and then conditioning. So before conditioning starts, I’ve done 100 squats, 100 pushups, 240 crunches, plus some serious stretching, stances, and kicking drills. Then during conditioning is another 200 squats, 160 to 200 pushups, 200 supermans (think reverse crunches), and the equivalent of 200 more crunches. And that’s after 5 solid minutes of jumping jacks. And then we do another 40 minutes of aerobic stuff. It’s absolutely brutal.
I’m finding I’m actually able to do this, and it’s getting easier to do it. I think I’m starting to like it, and that’s why I think I’m sick. I have to have something wrong with me to like this torture.
I’ll tell you for sure after tomorrow. I’m attending I Chin Ching tomorrow, and everyone says that’s the one that’s absolutely brutal. And then Tai Chi after that.
Sorry for the lack of updates recently. I haven’t felt like I’ve had a lot to say, even though there has been a lot going on.
A few thoughts today:
A good friend really made me look hard at what I do for a living, and asked me if I was really happy doing it. I say that I’m happy, and I think for the most part that I am, but Rachel really made me ponder that. She and I have been discussing a lot of psychology (her major and graduate work, and one of my majors in college) recently, and she thinks I’d be a really good therapist. And she also thinks I might be unhappy at work, although I don’t talk about it much.
I was struck at how perceptive her comments were. I’m glad to think I have another friend in a very, very small group that know me well enough to see through my walls I put up. I find it flattering that all 3 people I put that group are women J.
I have finally come to truly realize in the past few months that I don’t consider myself young anymore. My tastes are different, my desires are different, my thoughts are different. There are negative aspects of this and there are positive aspects of this. I’m not sure how to describe the difference between them, only that they are there.
I have been experiencing some small odd happenstances recently. I have had a handful of set of events where I feel like I’m operating at a higher level of (blank, no idea how to put this) than everyone else around me. More in tune with my environment? More connected to something that lies underneath all of us? Like I’m taking in more from the same scenes? All of the above? (Yes, I think the answer is yes)
Ok, so that last part sounds weird, but it’s honestly true. It’s fascinating……………
What a fantastic weekend!
Jen came in Friday night, and we fixed dinner and enjoyed one another’s company. We visited my brother for about an hour or so, and they had RaMandy there as well, so that was fun. Then back home to hang out before bedtime.
Saturday was hectic, but in good ways. I got up early (7AM), waiting on the TWC guy to get there to fix my internet. My poor Toshiba cable modem finally died after 7 years of good service, so they replaced that, tightened some wires and all was good. While I was waiting, I got some cleaning done and what not. Jen got up, joined me downstairs, and we relaxed, had a leisurely breakfast, then went to the store to get a few things for the party. I went to the dojo for a few hours, and learned the rest of my sparring techniques for this belt. I came home, and we scrambled to get everything clean before people showed up. And my, what a party it was! We had a little over 20 people at one point. It was an awesome mixture of my old friends and my new friends. There was lots of alcohol consumed, to the tune of around 4 or 5 cases total, plus a bottle or two of wine, and some shots thrown in for good measure. (Hehehehe, Ben, Erin, and Jen all learned about BaiJo). Everyone left by about 2AM, except for Ben who crashed at my place. I finally got to bed around 3AM.
I got up at 8AM on Sunday to make sure that Ben made it into work. Jen and I relaxed in bed for a while after that, finally got up and just relaxed on the couch until we had to get ready to go to my niece’s baptism at 1:15. We went to that, so Jen got to meet my grandparents, one of my cousins, and one of my aunts. That was brief, then we went back to my place, and we really didn’t do much of anything until Jen had to leave. At that point, I went to the dojo to take Tai Chi. Brian came back to my place and hung out afterwards, helping me consume a little of the extra food I had left from Saturday night.
It was a fantastic weekend overall, though I’m a bit tired today. Should make the dojo extra fun tonight, but that’s ok!
I don’t have much to say today, not that’s constructive in any way, so I’ll give you these links on Net Neutrality today. Read, be informed, exercise your freedoms!
http://www.google.com/help/netneutrality.html
http://news.com.com/Net+neutrality+showdown/2009-1028_3-6055133.html
http://www.savetheinternet.com/
http://www.internetofthefuture.org/
Last night was 2 hours of dojo time, which was brutal in this heat. But good nonetheless. Then a couple of hours of discussing philosophy, reality, psychology, and quantum mechanics/physics with Rachel. Excellent conversation, very insightful, very thought provoking.
I won’t go into details yet, as I am still working on how to say everything I want to say on that.
So, here’s my list for today:
1) The Israeli/Lebanese conflict going on makes me very nervous. It’s very easy to see it escalating into something none of us wants. Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do about it, and if we go in as a country, we will only make things worse. In this ONE instance, we just need to stay the hell out of it. I’m a supporter of pretty much everything else we’ve done in the
2) The tsunami in
3) The net neutrality legislation making its way through our legal process has much bigger ramifications than anyone can possibly realize. As free citizens of our country, the politicos should not have the power to restrict our freedoms in the way that they intend to do. Anyone with a brain needs to write their congressman and put a stop to it. The beauty of the internet and email is that you can write it once, and then send it to EVERY member of the House, and EVERY member of the Senate if you wish. That’s partly what I did yesterday, and yes, everyone I could find an email address for got a letter, including the VP and President. And some of his cabinet members as well. Oh, and our state legislators as well ;). Carefully sent out in 20 member segments to avoid spam detection and ISP backlash. Stand up, speak out, take part in our democracy, or shut the hell up when things happen you don’t like.
Oh, everyone needs to bug Karen to update her blog when she’s on vacation. I told her she wasn’t allowed to go if it meant she couldn’t update her blog for two weeks. I need some support here people!
After a wonderful weekend in
First, a brief recap of the weekend: Got into
Now: my list, since everyone seems to be having the lists this week.
1) I absolutely love DJ Krush. I put this in when I got close to
2) I would die in
3) I have been pondering reality quite a bit recently, and I notice this most when I’m talking to other people. Pretty much everyone I’ve talked to in the past 3 weeks, the subject of reality and its nature has come up. The odd thing is for the most part I haven’t brought it up. Twice I did, like with Karen today, but every other time someone else has brought it up. Very, very odd.
4) My brain stores so much useless information. The oddest things get dredged up from time to time. Everyone finds it amusing, but I am honestly as amazed as they are sometimes. I have no idea where I pick this stuff up. Whenever I go to check it though, I always find out that I wasn’t making it up.
5) Compounding on Dale’s musical thoughts, the soundtrack of my life right now is the following artists. I find they fit everything going on right now perfectly: DJ Krush (complete works, like 10 cds), Muse (Absolution, Black Holes and Revelations), Orbital (too many albums to list), Action Figure Party (self titled), DJ Spooky (various cds), Mike Doughty (various cds), Massive Attack (Mezzanine, Protection, Blue Lines), The Chemical Brothers (Push the Button), and Gnarls Barkley (St. Elsewhere).
That’s it for now!
So I got called out at a customer today.
I was asked why it seems like I’m not as enthusiastic about my job as what I normally seem to be. My customer was concerned, and she says she has been for several weeks now. We discussed it briefly, and I explained that it’s just stress, etc. etc. etc…………
Of course, thinking on it, that’s not the truth.
I am really frustrated at several people right now. Some of it is leftover stuff from losing a customer, some of it is the everyday crap that never seems to get better, even when it’s pointed out and admitted to. And admitted that it needs to be better. There is quite a bit of frustration that I can’t identify yet.
I’ve got some thinking to do it appears. I need to know what it is exactly that’s bothering me, and what I can do to fix it.
Sorry for the delay, I’ve been a little busy.
Dojo on Monday, which was great. Rachel came up for dinner and hanging out afterwards, which was cool. I told her all about Jen, and she was happy, had lots of questions similar to questions that I guess Mary has been asking Jen. Questions like “How do you know she’s the right one?” “Don’t you think it’s a little fast?” etc….etc…..etc……
Easy to answer, but hard for people to comprehend: You just know. It’s that simple.
Last night was scary. The tornado that went through Clermont county really didn’t form too far away from my house. I locked the cats in the basement, then watched the storm form and head out. It was absolutely the scariest storm I’ve ever seen around here, and I’ve lived here all my life. I went outside right after it passed, and talk about a cool sky!!!! I could see blue sky and bits of sun on one side of the neighborhood, and really scary storm clouds on the other that seemed to touch the horizon.. I should have taken a picture, but I was too awestruck to get my camera before it was too dark to see anything. Being the storm nerd that I am, watching the weather on as many channels as possible took up the rest of the evening. Several of the ensuing storms formed in my general vicinity again, so I was happy to hear the thunder and watch the light show mother nature provided.
I bought ankle weights on Monday, and I’ve worn them to work each day this week. Holy crap my legs are sore, and they are tired! The dojo is going to be tough tonight!
So, what a roller coaster this week has been. It’s been cause for a lot of thinking on my part. Here’s some of what I’ve been pondering all week.
Jen and myself feel very natural together. It’s really scary sometimes. This week was very much a great test to see how well we fit with one another. I think we know everything we need to know. Now it’s really going to be details to work out, of which there are a ton. Just how many there are is daunting. And most of them I think are going to be on Jen’s side. I feel bad for that, but there’s nothing for me in Chicago, while there is so much for her here.
We talked about it a lot this week, and I’m more sure of it now than I was at the beginning of the week. Jen and I will most likely spend the rest of our lives together. I’ve never met someone that meshes with my own personality in a better way. As Jen put it one night, she never needs rescued, but she’s ok with being saved once in a while. That attitude works so well with my own personal outlook. I love to save people, but I hate to feel like I have to rescue them all the time. It’s wonderful to take care of someone who is totally capable and willing to do it on their own if you can’t be there for every little thing. And knowing that person is willing to do the same for you.
It was wonderful to meet a lot of new people this week. Besides the fact that they were all very nice, it was great to hang out with other couples and not feel like a fifth wheel for a change. I think it was the impetus I needed to make some tough decisions regarding my old group of friends.
There are a few people that I believe I have decided that I am done with. Jen has started the final phase of my transformation after my divorce. I know now the path I’m on is the right one. I know now that I have ignored it for too long. I have let too many people get in the way of what I should be doing.
Ending my time at a customer this week was a big step. There is a whole group of people I’m sure I will never speak to again, and I really don’t find that bad in any way. My stress level has already decreased a ton just knowing I don’t have to deal with them anymore. There are a few people I will miss, but I very much see it this way: If I meant anything to them, they will contact me. You can call it a test or whatever, but I’m no longer wasting my time with people that don’t expend effort to include me in their lives. (That effort doesn’t have to be anything more than an email or phone call to say hi, but you’d be surprised how many don’t even do that.)
Looking back on things, I’ve wasted nearly 4 years of my life in front of a monitor, playing games. That’s 4 years real time mind you. Not only can I simply not do this anymore, I realize each day that my health will not allow it. I nearly destroyed myself that way, and I’m concerned with the long term effects at this point. No more cigarettes, which is the biggest part of it. Good exercise every day now, which has done wonders for my mental well being.
Some of my old group of friends wonder where I have been. But they play games every day, and they refuse invitations to get out of the house. They constantly have an excuse as to why they can’t do something, rather than a reason as to why they can. I’m done with excuses, and I’m done with people that make them. I feel like I’m spinning my wheels talking to a great many of them.
In some ways it’s sad…. It’s the end of the last 10 years of my life pretty much. They have shaped who I am today, so I don’t regret any of it.
I am starting a new life, and have been in that process pretty much all year long.
Kung Fu has had a huge impact on my life. Not just physically with the amount of weight that I’ve lost or the stamina I’ve been able to gain, but mentally as well. I can concentrate better at work. I find I understand things quicker. My mood is better overall. I don’t get frustrated as easily. I know now that I not only want my black belt, but I want to stay in the system for as long as my body will hold out. I want to be an instructor if possible.
For the first time in perhaps 6 or 7 years, I am optimistic about the future. I find myself considering things in ways I haven’t before, and seeing opportunities in places I only saw problems before. I started the changes in myself, and Jen has been everything I needed to confirm that I’m doing the right things, and everything I needed to point the way forward.
Thank you Jen for changing my life in ways I didn’t know it needed changed.
Right, so this post isn’t about Jen. There are other things going on in my life too you know.
Today was my final day at a certain customer. I have worked for them in some capacity for around 4 years now. They were told earlier in the week that today was my final day.
The whole thing was disappointingly anticlimactic. Not only was there no fuss made whatsoever, the important folk didn’t even say hello this morning. It was if I wasn’t even there.
I was expecting at the very least lots of questions regarding the network and what not. Or maybe some questions as to why I wasn’t coming back. Or maybe at least a goodbye.
But no, nothing.
Oddly enough, I’m somewhat down about that right now. Ok, not somewhat, a lot.
Again I make the mistake of confusing business with personal. I must remember that these people aren’t really friends.
It’s just sad to think of it that way. I’m good at what I do mostly because I take it personally.
If only everyone else did too……………
Alright folks, sorry for the lack recently, Jen’s been commanding most of my time. And I mean that in every positive way possible.
So, here are my thoughts on how the weekend went, and everything up until now.
Friday Jen came in, came straight to my house from Southern Ill.. Friday was a long day, but I got off a little early. I stopped on the way home and picked up some fresh strawberries. I washed them up, and I just finished with the last one when she rang the doorbell. I opened the door, kissed her once for good measure, covered her eyes, and walked her into the living room. I grabbed a cool strawberry, told her to open her mouth, and fed her the strawberry, kissing half of it away from her. The reaction was great, as I pretty much had to defend myself enough to get upstairs into the bed.
We cleaned up a bit, and went to meet her parents. That went well I think, although there wasn’t much time to socialize really. I got grilled pretty good by her old girl scout leader, and I think I made a decent impression. I was a little nervous, but that’s to be expected. Her mom laughed when Jen told her I had read one of the books that the two of them had read on Jen’s insistence. (Total romance novel…….like I told Jen, it’s girl porn……) When I told her that I finished it, she (Jen’s mom) smiled and told me I was brave. So I have that going for me. We went to dinner at that point, and we had a good conversation over dinner. We stopped by Allan’s place on the way home (more because everyone was in one place than because of any other reason). Jen got to meet Allan, Randy, Mandy, Brian, Brandon, Mike. Pretty much everyone in my old group. They had just started The Hills Have Eyes, so that pretty much dominated any chance for conversation. We stayed not long at all, then came home to spend a little more time with one another before Jen went back to her parents for the evening.
Saturday I worked in the yard all morning, trying to get my new flower bed finished. Almost, not quite, didn’t quite have enough energy. I went and picked up Jen at her parents’ place (I had to pass the important dog test at that point), and we hung out for a bit before leaving for Karen’s. Alright, so we had sex for a bit before heading to Karen’s. I swear it wasn’t my fault we were late! I got to meet everyone, we played some games, we talked some. It was fun to be with a different crowd of people than my normal group to be honest, and it was nice to have some time with Karen outside of work, not mention talk with Jim for like the 2nd time since they were married J. Again, I hope I made a decent impression, and I at least felt like I did. I took Jen back to her parents around 2AM. I had difficulty sleeping, and I ended up watching TV until 4:30 for whatever reason.
Sunday I woke up later than I wanted to be honest. I got some laundry done, and then Jen showed up to pick me up for her family reunion. It was extraordinarily hot of course, and the reunion was outside. We made the best of it though, and I walked around and met her big extended family. I got asked a thousand questions by many different people. I answered them all the best I could, and I think I did alright. I overheard some of the discussions regarding me (ya, so it’s handy to have picked up how to listen to 3 or 4 background conversations at the same time, ya dig?), and everything seemed pretty positive. There were some negative things, but actually not about me. Jen and I discussed them, and it was no big deal. Overall the day was good, and Jen came back to my place afterwards. We unpacked her things, and got comfortable for the evening.
I will say it was great waking up on Monday morning with Jen in the bed. I didn’t get the best night’s sleep, mainly because Jen kept snuggling closer while she was sleeping. She nearly pushed me off the bed twice! Anyways, I went into work for a bit, then came home early. Jenny and I stayed in Monday night, and frankly we wore each other out pretty well. Both of us slept well Monday night.
Tuesday we slept in. We went over to my brother’s house for a bit for Jen to meet my sister. My parents were there helping Kris work on his bathroom. So we hung out a bit, then came home and got ready to go to Karen’s. It was nice to see everyone from Saturday. And to meet Sarah again and her husband Danny. Very nice people. I will say that I had a hard time relaxing because of a certain uncle that was there. I never really did quite get comfortable, because I was always looking over my shoulder to make sure he wasn’t near me. I kept as low as possible. Overall, still a good time, and we went home and stayed up a bit late.
Today was alright. Busy at work, though I got to come home early again. Jen and I went out to dinner with my parents, my sister, and my mom’s friend Barb. We went to The Cabana down on the west side. On the way home, we stopped downtown to go to the Hustler store, a new experience for Jen. (I didn’t even suggest it BTW, she did!) Hehehe, that was fun. She asked a lot of questions, and we giggled a lot.
The past few days have told me a lot about myself, and a lot about Jen. We’ve discussed some serious things, we’ve had a lot of fun, and we’ve just generally tried each other on for size. I don’t think there is anything else that I need to know. Everything that has happened in my life up to now was solely so that the two of us could meet now. I’m ready to have her in my life as much as she wants to be in my life.
