Beginnings and Endings

So, what a roller coaster this week has been. It’s been cause for a lot of thinking on my part. Here’s some of what I’ve been pondering all week.

 

 

Jen and myself feel very natural together.  It’s really scary sometimes. This week was very much a great test to see how well we fit with one another. I think we know everything we need to know. Now it’s really going to be details to work out, of which there are a ton. Just how many there are is daunting. And most of them I think are going to be on Jen’s side. I feel bad for that, but there’s nothing for me in Chicago, while there is so much for her here.

 

We talked about it a lot this week, and I’m more sure of it now than I was at the beginning of the week. Jen and I will most likely spend the rest of our lives together. I’ve never met someone that meshes with my own personality in a better way. As Jen put it one night, she never needs rescued, but she’s ok with being saved once in a while.  That attitude works so well with my own personal outlook. I love to save people, but I hate to feel like I have to rescue them all the time. It’s wonderful to take care of someone who is totally capable and willing to do it on their own if you can’t be there for every little thing. And knowing that person is willing to do the same for you.

 

It was wonderful to meet a lot of new people this week. Besides the fact that they were all very nice, it was great to hang out with other couples and not feel like a fifth wheel for a change. I think it was the impetus  I needed to make some tough decisions regarding my old group of friends.

 

There are a few people that I believe I have decided that I am done with. Jen has started the final phase of my transformation after my divorce. I know now the path I’m on is the right one. I know now that I have ignored it for too long. I have let too many people get in the way of what I should be doing.

 

Ending my time at a customer this week was a big step. There is a whole group of people I’m sure I will never speak to again, and I really don’t find that bad in any way. My stress level has already decreased a ton just knowing I don’t have to deal with them anymore. There are a few people I will miss, but I very much see it this way: If I meant anything to them, they will contact me. You can call it a test or whatever, but I’m no longer wasting my time with people that don’t expend effort to include me in their lives. (That effort doesn’t have to be anything more than an email or phone call to say hi, but you’d be surprised how many don’t even do that.)

 

Looking back on things, I’ve wasted nearly 4 years of my life in front of a monitor, playing games. That’s 4 years real time mind you. Not only can I simply not do this anymore, I realize each day that my health will not allow it. I nearly destroyed myself that way, and I’m concerned with the long term effects at this point. No more cigarettes, which is the biggest part of it. Good exercise every day now, which has done wonders for my mental well being.

 

Some of my old group of friends wonder where I have been. But they play games every day, and they refuse invitations to get out of the house. They constantly have an excuse as to why they can’t do something, rather than a reason as to why they can. I’m done with excuses, and I’m done with people that make them. I feel like I’m spinning my wheels talking to a great many of them.

 

In some ways it’s sad…. It’s the end of the last 10 years of my life pretty much. They have shaped who I am today, so I don’t regret any of it.

 

 

I am starting a new life, and have been in that process pretty much all year long.

 

Kung Fu has had a huge impact on my life. Not just physically with the amount of weight that I’ve lost or the stamina I’ve been able to gain, but mentally as well. I can concentrate better at work. I find I understand things quicker. My mood is better overall. I don’t get frustrated as easily. I know now that I not only want my black belt, but I want to stay in the system for as long as my body will hold out. I want to be an instructor if possible.

 

For the first time in perhaps 6 or 7 years, I am optimistic about the future. I find myself considering things in ways I haven’t before, and seeing opportunities in places I only saw problems before. I started the changes in myself, and Jen has been everything I needed to confirm that I’m doing the right things, and everything I needed to point the way forward.

 

Thank you Jen for changing my life in ways I didn’t know it needed changed.