Hiatus

Last post for a very long time most likely. This place no longer serves my intended purpose, and there is too much else that I need to deal with. I'm also turning off comments altogether.

Weekend Weddings

Jen and I visited the rustic Vicennes, IN this past weekend for a wedding for a pair of her Chicago friends. The ceremony was small, and they did a few pretty neat things. They had a sand ceremony, which was pretty neat. Jen and I are thinking about doing something similar at ours now. (They already said they’d be ok if we copied them ;) ). The weekend was low key in general, and some good time together for us.

 

The best part of the whole weekend for me honestly was the drive there and back. I love to drive. We took Route 50 there and back. For those of you used to traveling by Interstate, there is something so much more appealing about taking the old national routes around the country. You see so much more country, so much more EVERYTHING. Even with the drought, the route was absolutely gorgeous.

 

Anyways, here’s to another hot week ahead!

 

 

Hot

Ya, that pretty much sums up the past week. With no AC in the dojo, this weather sucks to work out in. It’s hard to breathe, and you start sweating right as you walk in. Craziness!

 

 

Meditation is coming along. It’s difficult to meditate with lots on your mind, and everything that Jen and I have been talking about has definitely added to the difficulty. At the same time, the meditation has made it somewhat easier to deal with these things in positive ways, rather than exploding and getting mad, which helps no one.

 

 

I believe what I wrote last week. I’ve lost my ability to laugh somewhere along the way. That doesn’t mean I’m completely unhappy with life in general. A great many things in my life I am content with. And the rest I think I can work on, with Jen’s help, and the help of my friends.

 

Everything’s always a work in progress!

 

Laughter update

Jen and I had a great weekend, and I feel much better than I did last week.

 

Jen makes me laugh more than I let myself laugh. I just have to learn to let her do it more, and not get frustrated with her spritely nature.  It’s not an easy thing for me to do, but it’s a very important thing for me to do.

 

I love you Jen!

 

 

Laughter

I have forgotten how to laugh.

 

I have forgotten what it is to have a good time.

 

I have forgotten what it is like to be carefree.

 

I have forgotten how to smile most of the time.

 

I get frustrated with happy people for not taking things more seriously.

 

I find fault with movies, books, conversations, and people that don’t live in what I call the real world, that don’t have plots with serious themes, that don’t have some type of point.

 

I can’t take a joke, no matter how small. I take offense instead.

 

I have forgotten how to look at things with wonder, and instead only see the pale reflection of envy because I cannot.

 

I have forgotten how to see the world in splendor, and instead see darkness and ashes.  

 

I have forgotten how to ask for help to change this.

Meditation

So, for the past week or so, I’ve been taking an active part in some self-realization through meditation. A small group of us have been learning some techniques and posting to a message board about how things have been going. It’s pretty amazing what this can do for one. Let me explain a bit.

 

There are two different ways we meditate.

 

There is a traditional “soft” meditation, like what most of you probably think of when you conceptualize meditation. Sitting quietly, clearing your mind, etc. We do that, focusing on the breathing, in through the nose, out through the mouth. The mind should stay clear. The trick here is this. Instead of REACTING to thoughts or emotions, you have to REFLECT on those thoughts and emotions, and then TAKE ACTION. Think of it this way:  With the eyes closed, you float in a dark void, and thoughts enter the void from outside.  You can look at those thoughts, examine where they come from, examine any predjudices you may have associated with those thoughts, then deal with those thoughts in the best possible way FOR ALL PEOPLE INVOLVED. This is a very foreign concept to western society in general, and very difficult for us Americans in particular. It’s a hard thing to get the hang of.

 

There is also “hard” meditation. This involves tensing the body as you are trying to mediate. You stand, or do forms, or in general tense up the muscles. All the while you are trying to keep your mind clear, trying to focus on absolutely nothing. Obviously you work up a sweat, and it’s more difficult than you might think.

 

Anyways, so we’ve been meditating daily, fitting it in where we can, and each posts their sessions each day to a message board. We all do things differently. There isn’t a lot of commenting back and forth, as meditation is a personal thing. But there is some, and just knowing other people are doing it is also a big thing. More motivation to do it every day.

 

 

Depending on culture, meditation allows us to experience different “states” of awareness and consciousness. The first is what I’ve described already. When one meditates enough, daily living becomes an exercise in REFLECTing and then TAKING ACTION. Too many of us, myself included,  react to things that go on around us. My goal over the next couple of months is to really try to reflect more on the things that go on around us.

 

 

Just in this past week, it’s really remarkable the sense of overall peace I feel compared to the week before I started doing thing seriously. I’ll make sure to post my continued thoughts on it. And let me know if you have any specific questions about anything!

TT Thoughts

Since I haven’t posted in a while, I’d thought I’d copy my fiancé and do a list.

 

 

1.       It’s amazing how different people who are close to you can see you as a person.

2.       A little compassion can go a long way.

3.       I really don’t like preachy people.

4.       I have started some meditation learning, and it’s absolutely unbelievable.

5.       I am happy I finally got my server at home running again. It’s time to play with stuff.

6.       It’s dismaying when people assume they know what you are thinking, without asking.

7.       I just completed a project that no one else in my company comprehends. That’s pretty awesome J.

8.       I can now do front and back walkovers, something that always eluded me when I was little.

9.       I got to see an actual OC-192 today that was working…

10.   I have a few customers that actually treat me better than some of my friends do.

11.   Even though I have none myself, it’s disturbing to hear someone say that they have lost their faith, especially when they say it’s because of you.

12.   I find myself hanging onto the void most of the day. Read Wheel of Time and you’ll get it.

13.   No dinner and no breakfast actually makes it tough to eat lunch…..

Bonus Post!

My friend Mandy took this on the 4th of July, and I wanted to share it with all of you! I think this is my new favorite picture of Jen.

Random thoughts

A few random thoughts for your Friday:

 

 

The Creation Museum:   http://www.creationmuseum.org/   Now this has got to be one of the asinine things I’ve seen in a long time. A museum based on opinion. You’re joking right? Not only are they not joking, this lovely farce exists in the only place it logically could…….near Cincinnati. Anyone feel like a day trip to laugh at the idiots?

 

 

Transformers was a lot of fun on the 4^th. I really liked what they did with it. It’s worth paying to go see. Even Jen had fun watching….

 

 

I am actually close to being able to do the splits, at  least front ways. Straddle, not so much………..

 

 

I learned how to break boards with an underhand strike called an ox tongue break.

 

 

Every major news media outlet has been reporting about the excessive heat out west……….   Here’s my two cents, having lived there for two years……..  IT’S THE FRICKING DESERT, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?   It’s like moving to Antartica and then complaining that it’s cold. Why the hell is this front page news for every national group?

 

 

Anyways, have a great weekend!

Testing

Well, the testing on Saturday went really well. Even Joe thought things went well, and that’s saying something, as he always has corrections for people. No corrections for anyone! And oh yeah, I passed! So, just 1 year until black belt!

 

After that we had a seminar, and we learned a new drunken immortal form. It’s one of the 18 most difficult in the system, and I seriously felt like I had been in a car accident on Sunday I was so sore.

 

I can’t complain, it was an extremely full weekend!

Hi There

Hi there, yes been gone, I know. I have a perfectly good explanation:

 

So, Kung Fu is supposed to be 6 months to go from 3^rd Brown to 2^nd Brown. I am testing to 2^nd Brown on Saturday, in only 3 months!!..... and our teacher doesn’t like to let people test early J.

 

I’ve worked my butt off to be able to do this. Everyone I talked to initially didn’t think I could do it. The material is way more difficult than anything we’ve had to do so far. But I’ve been focused, and I’ve done the best I can do.

 

Most importantly, it means that my next two tests leading up to black belt will be here in Cincinnati. Which means my parents can come watch.

 

A lot of this was driven by attending a talk on Shaolin history and heritage called Tales from the Temple by one of the elder masters in our system. One of the things that hit home for me was something he said regarding his father. He regretted that his father never saw him do anything with kung fu before he died. It was never important enough at the time. Since tests for higher degree black belts are closed to the public, I realized that I had only 3 tests left that my own father could attend, and my schedule meant those tests would be in Lexington.

 

So I decided to try to get the schedule changed, and waiting an extra 3 months at some point to do that just wasn’t an option, especially after learning that dad’s leukemia is starting to wake up again.

 

So anyways, I’m hoping to be back on a more normal schedule after Saturday, with perhaps a bit more time for things.

 

We’ll see!

Thoughts

A few thoughts for today:


If had to do my job for another 20 years, or 30 years, I do believe I would kill myself first. It's simply not worth it.

I get tired of people asking the same damn questions every day. AFTER I write the instructions down for them and tape them to the monitor so that they can look at them. But they don't want to look at them, and have told me they don't want to look at them, they'd rather call!

I get tired of listening to parents complain about allergies, or cuts and bruises, or hurt feelings, or whatever, and making it sound like their child is the most put upon child on the planet. How the hell did any of us get here? Did nobody but me ever fall off their bike when they were little and skin their knee? Did nobody else have horrible allergies? I sure did, and I was told to get back out there, get back on, stop sniffling and blow my nose. You know what? My allergies are nearly gone, I've learned to play through pain, and I've learned that a little blood is good for you sometimes. And I've learned the real world is a harsh place, no matter what some people would have you believe. And it always will be, and the sooner you get used to that, the happier you will ultimately be. Otherwise, you are in for a lifetime of disappointment.

I AM tired of people not helping themselves. When did we become a country of helpless idiots? What happened to the people pulling themselves up by their bootstraps with a nickel to their name? The only people willing to work that hard nowadays don't start here in the US, they come here from other countries. And they make US look bad.

I AM tired of people assuming that they know me, they know my type, or they know what I want. It's really simple: ASK!

Friday

What a long week! After working part of last weekend, and just being generally busy, I actually turned in over 50 billable hours this week. On top of that, I went to the dojo for 2 hours on Sunday, 3 hours Monday, 2 and half Wednesday, and 2 last night. So you can see why it's been hard for me to find time to post :).

Here is one of my all time favorite links:



These pictures have a very nearly physical pull on me. They represent the future, albeit a much farther distant future for us than I would like. Spending time looking at these really makes me wonder. And this is the major point of what I wonder.....

This planet should be our springboard to populate the places in these pictures. That means many things. It means sustaining the environment here to learn how to coexist with new places we find. It means learning to exist as one people, rather than separate countries. It means a truly global economy.

We are this one, infinitesimally small point of light in the great darkness. If we can overcome these internal struggles as a whole, we can spread it. Otherwise.....

States

From Karen's blog.



create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.




I've been through some of the ones I didn't put down here. Some states need more than one....I.E. Arizona north is very different from arizona south, same for California, etc.........

Tagged!

Ok, I’m slow in responding, but here are my 7 things. I don’t have 7 other bloggers to send to, so I’ll be a little anarchist and not do that part………

 

 

1.)    I could literally swim before I could walk.

 

2.)    I am a complete wuss when it comes to little pain, like bee stings or pinches, but I can take big pain, like broken bones or the like, with no problem. (hehehe, just ask Jen)

 

3.)    I typically prefer my own company to anyone else’s, with the exception of 3 people. (Sorry, no hurt feelings, won’t reveal that here.)

 

4.)    I have difficulty relating to men. Women? No problem!

 

 

5.)    I truly believe that there is no lower calling than politics. Our current system is nothing like what the founding fathers intended, and it will never get any better while the masses have their current apathetic attitudes. I can’t even stand to listen to most people talk about it.

 

6.)    There are times I have difficulty communicating with people because even I can’t keep up with the ideas that go through my head.

 

7.)    I truly believe that I was born either 200 years too early, or 200 years too late………

 

 

 

Vindication!!!!

I hate telling people “I told you so”, but today I get to do that in a big way.

 

3 years ago at this point, a friend of mine started dating a woman who was just no good. She was married, not positive about getting divorced, etc. I said, at the time, that this was trouble. I was told that I was too sensitive to everything after my divorce, and I didn’t know what I was talking about.

 

So this went on for 2 years, and my friend really, really got hurt. Things never progressed the way he wanted them to. He poured out his love and devotion to this woman, and she never really returned it, but she kept him hanging on. He got absolutely crushed. And yet he kept going back for more, wouldn’t listen to any of his friends, etc.

 

He finally broke things off in a way, but never really gave up on her either. She supposedly was getting back together with her husband, but they talked and what not. I don’t know too many details about that time period because I removed myself from that situation.

 

Anyways, Friday he finds out that not only did she not get back with her husband, she’s now dating one of our other friends from gaming days. One that we used to be good friends with. (Well, not anymore, eh?)

 

Complete bitch.

 

And damn it, I told you so!

 

The positive part is that hopefully my friend will finally move on and be happy.

 

 

Aura

Your Aura is Violet

Idealistic and thoughtful, you have the mind and ideas to change the world. And you have the charisma of a great leader, even if you don't always use it! The purpose of your life: saying truths that other people dare not say Famous purples include: Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Susan B. Anthony Careers for you to try: Political Activist, Inventor, Life Coach

What Color Is Your Aura?

What kind of Intelligence......

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Hi there!

Yes, I’ve been absent again. I know. I’m not sure what to do about that.

 

The truth is this. I’m finding it hard to blog. I know there are certain people reading this now that I feel like I have to watch what I say, and I don’t like that. It makes it really hard for me to use this in the way that I used to use this. There are many things I feel like I can’t talk about here now.

 

 

 

Anyways, brief update on me I guess:

 

The cold snap sucks for gardening. Nothing more has gotten done, and nothing more can get done. Blech.

 

Kung Fu is good. Brown belt classes are a whole new level of difficulty. My body is almost used to the new schedule, but not quite. I’m learning my first sword kata, which is awesome. Tonight I get to start learning Ironman training, so I’m expecting lots of bruises.

 

It seems our social calendar is quite full. I find it hard to admit that I’m ALMOST like Karen in that I feel the need to schedule these on my calendar in Outlook. It’s the only way to keep it straight. I’m not really complaining, as it’s nice to feel like we have tons of people that want to spend time with us.

 

I took some pictures of the flowerbeds before things started coming up. I’ll try to upload those soon. I’ll take after pictures when the flowers are really going.

Spring!

Yep, it’s finally that time!

 

This past weekend was ALL ABOUT spring for me. Saturday we got up and went to visit a few nurseries. It’s difficult to really pick out too much this early, but it was well worth the trip. We stopped for coffee, only to discover that the new coffee place that opened near me is actually owned by a couple that live in our neighborhood! So that was neat. Then, when we couldn’t find any breakfast places near the nursery I wanted to start at, we headed north on Route 22 (Montgomery Rd.). That turned into a nice drive in the country! We went through Morrow, and finally found a little mom and pop place north of there that was serving breakfast. Jen and I both got breakfast sandwiches and a bottle of water, and the whole thing was $5. Can’t beat that.

 

So, we stopped at Applewood nursery, and didn’t really find much there yet. They were still sitting things out, so it will be worth a trip back in about 2 weeks. So then we stopped by Earthscapes on the way home. They had much more out, and they actually had a few customers too. We picked out a white Iceberg Rose bush to put on top of where I buried Ojos. It’s fitting I think, she loved to hide in rose bushes. We got a few pink Pincushions for Jen, and then picked out the Hardy Orange Flying Dragon. I really can’t wait to see what it looks like. We dropped the plants off at home, then headed to Home Depot. We picked out some flower bulbs and a few tools, and were on our way home.

 

It was great working in the yard outside all day.  We got a lot done, though you wouldn’t necessarily know it by looking at the yard yet J. I got plenty of sun, which I’m happy about. I hate being inside.

 

Sunday was Fantasy Baseball draft day, another sign it’s spring time J. Greg came over, and we got online to pick our players. It’s basically 2 and half or 3 hours of smack talking. It was good, and I’m happy with my team this year I think. Only time will tell! Baseball starts this weekend!!! Then we hung out for a little bit, and ended up going to my brother’s place for an impromptu cookout.

 

All in all it was a great spring weekend!!